What are Narcissists & Sociopaths REALLY thinking? (Part 3/3)

That they’e happy is QUESTIONABLE.

They get what they want when they want? No, that’s very much an unrealistic stretch. Nobody gets all he wants when he wants. Narcissists are more often than not pissed precisely because they can’t get what they want when they want. That’s why they’re so often aggressive and violent. When they are, and usually they are very often, it’s because they are not getting what they want. Nobody gets what they want when they want in this world. That’s just a stupid unrealistic idea.

My ex narc/sociopath/psychopath of way too many years suddenly, after telling me we were finally going to be married within the next two months, tried to attack my older son with a 4 foot piece of pipe for no reason 15 minutes after we returned home from vacation for 4 days. I called the police and he then turned the story against me to the police and they believed him and not me! He left that night and took my son on disability with a mental illness with him. My son is 22 and went on his own accord, although definitely manipulated. He wouldn’t tell me where they went. I came home one day after 2 weeks of no contact at all and he moved all his stuff out of the house and my son’s stuff too. He wouldn’t tell me where they lived and manipulated my son not to tell me or contact me. He’s now destroying my relationship with my son and me and we were very close. I made all my son’s meals and took him to all his medical appointments. Prior to this event he (narc) wouldn’t even stay with him for a weekend saying it was too much trouble. It’s been almost a year now and still no contact with the narc. My son does answer my emails sometimes but is being controlled completely by him. I know the narc wouldn’t keep him if he didn’t have his SSI income. I have no idea what to do but wait for him to be discarded. There’s a discard event every year around Christmas, which is coming up… We hate Christmas now. I could say much much more but will end here. This event was so shocking it triggered a kundalini awakening for me. Without that, I may have had a full breakdown myself. I have no idea how to handle this. Thank you

This narcissist, if he actually is one, answering the questions in this article, is a blatant liar. And as we know, narcissists are liars by nature.

He claims they are happy people. Yet consider these traits: Narcissists are ultra thin skinned with extremely fagile egos. Look at them wrong and they are offended and hurt. They fall apart–I’ve seen it myself. Often they are hurt by perceived (imaginary) slights to their character or behavior. That causes them to break down. Then they are driven to retaliation. Sometimes they can achieve that, oftentimes not because often the object of their retaliation, the one who offended them so badly, is a stranger that is just a passing acquaintance that they will never see again. That must burn them up with frustration — the inability to be able to get their petty revenge. But they spend all their time plotting that revenge. It’s never enough. They’re obsessed. That person is on their mind day and night. Night and day.

Does that sound happy to you?

Hi all –

I’m also struggling to understand the motives and thinking behind my ex narc’s behavior. It just doesn’t make sense to me, at all. I experienced all the same stages.. we started off so quickly, I fell for his fake charm and was in love with him within 2 months, then he started pulling away and started blaming me for the relationship failing. We were dating for about 5 months, and during the last month, I offered to watch his dog while he was in Europe with his family for over two weeks. Not once during those two weeks did he ask how I was doing or how his dog was doing. The only communication I got from him was sexting via snapchat.. So he gets back (after lying about the day he actually got back) and breaks up with me a week later saying I’m too needy and that we “just didn’t click as much as (he) thought we would”. I was at my wit’s end by that point from all the emotional jerking around, so I agreed to it. Before we ended the breakup conversation, I said that the only thing left was for me to get my belongings back from his place. “Well what do you have here” he snapped at me. I should have known then it wouldn’t be easy, and that the person I was dealing with was not who I fell in love with, and is in fact a sociopath. So we broke up April 15th and I have yet to get my stuff back from him. I tried so hard to end things amicably with him and gave him so many opportunities to return my stuff without having to see me, and it’s been non-stop childish games. “Him: What’s the big rush” “Him: If you want it, come get it yourself… Me: Okay, when can I? …. Him: SILENT TREATMENT” “Him: Idk, I just have weird feelings about going to your place… Me: Why? Can’t you just drop it off? Him: SILENT TREATMENT”. Finally I cracked and snapped at him saying I’m the one who was strung along and used for 5 months and that he never cared about us anyways. Cue the narcissistic rage. He unleashed long texts about he had no problem returning my stuff until I started acting like a child and how dare I say I was strung along and used when he gave me every opportunity to stop being so effing immature, etc. It was shocking and finally made me realize it wasn’t my problems that ruined the relationship, it was his. So I’ve finally gotten to the point where I’m okay just walking away from what I left at his place. At the end of the day, it’s all material things that can be replaced and I know I’m gaining more by walking away from the situation, but I just don’t understand it. Why couldn’t he just return it and why is he still stalking my social media profiles (I can see when he looks at my snapchat stories and he watches ALL of them). What is the point? I keep reading articles like these and the logic makes sense, but I still can’t process it. And I hate that he’s still taking up so much of my mental space and energy. 🙁

I know my story is nothing special at all, but I’ve been struggling a lot recently and I feel very stuck. None of my friends get it or understand, and I know the best thing for me is to probably go to therapy, but since my narcissist ex has degraded me to my very core already, I want to try my hardest to find my strength from within and get over this myself without giving my ex narc the even bigger ego boost of knowing he messed me up so badly that I’m putting my time and money aside to get professional help to heal from what he did to me.

I’m in my third year of college, and my ex narc is a year older (a senior). I met him the very first week of school my freshman year, and we dated on and off for 2 years. Keep in mind I never had a boyfriend before him, so I think that was my initial reason for falling for him so hard when we first started out. Like most victims to narcissists, I was naive and chose to ignore the red flags I saw, giving him the benefit of the doubt when he would be caught in sketchy behavior as he would resort to his clever manipulation tactics to get around it every time. I went through all three phases, idealization, devalue, discard. The little break ups we would have wouldn’t last more than a week, but the first time we officially broke up was after 10 months (he lied telling me there was no girls going to this vacation house for the weekend, and there ended up being many, including his ex-girlfriend at the time, which I wouldn’t have found out about if I didn’t hear girls talking on the other end of our phone call). We didn’t talk for 4 months, and the new school year came around. I was on a branch campus of my university and luckily didn’t have to see him around, since he had moved to the main campus of our university since he was a year older. He texted me out of the blue one day in November and practically begged to drive over to see me. I hesitated and contemplated it for a long while, showing him I wasn’t sure, but eventually I caved and we got back together. At first he was amazing, like a completely new guy, and now I’m realizing that was the idealization phase all over again, this time much shorter, as I now know through research how narcissists operate. We somehow managed, through a rocky road, to stay together for 10 more months. I’m understanding now that the only reason why that most likely happened was because we were on different campuses and it was a lot easier for him to have other supply and keep it hidden from me completely, while still being interested enough to keep me around on weekend visits. AS SOON as junior year came around (this past September), and I was finally moved up to main campus with him, it didn’t even take a week for him to turn into someone I had never met before. I had no idea who he was. Him and his frat brothers were binge drinking all day every day, he never cared to be around me or keep in touch, and whenever I was around him he either seemed irritated by my presence or completely indifferent. I didn’t know who he was… he was acting like a complete stranger who I’ve never met before, and the worst part about it was he was seeing my upsetment, clearly seeing in my face how much I was hurting and how helpless and confused I was feeling at his abrupt change of personality, and he would not care.

He pushed me to my limits so much to the point where I told him we should take a month break to figure it out. I wanted him to change, to become a better person for me, to stop drinking so much and prove to me that he missed me and wanted to work things out. At the end of the month we met up for lunch and I missed him so much. I wanted him back, I stayed loyal the entire time for him (like we said we’d do, and he would text me ALL THE TIME worried that I was going to find someone else) but in the end… it was him.

I ended things officially a day or two after we had lunch because he told me he would text me and we should see where things take us, and he never did. I realized I was being played. A week later, he had a new girlfriend. But the worst part about it was, I had no clue he did. I was in the dark for 5 months about it. After he discarded me, I was good about not wanting to hear about his whereabouts or knowing what he was up to. In my head, I figured he was going around having sex with a bunch of girls being the fratboy that he is, getting drunk and adding to his body count of hot girls he’d take home from the bars. I thought they were meaningless hookups he was having, just another number on his list of his crazy party/sex binge he wanted to kick off his senior year with before he graduates. I had absolutely NO IDEA he would immediately go back into another committed relationship, if anything thats the last thing I’d thought he would want.

I just found out last weekend that he has had a new girlfriend for 5 months… when we’ve only been broken up for 5 1/2. Clearly now I realize he was cheating on me with her at the end of our relationship, that he already had her and was entertaining her in the bedroom as soon as the school year began, maybe even continuing from last year when we weren’t on the same campus, and he just kept me around in the summer as a bookmark for when he returned to her (we had an amazing summer together too which is why I was so confused and shocked at how it all came crashing down the first week of school).

I realized I didn’t need to go off on that tangent, but I got so angry and upset and realized so many more redflags that I missed throughout the ending of our relationship that I just made myself angry, sad, and completely humiliated all over again. I feel like an absolute fool, a complete idiot. Which is really upsetting because I do consider myself to be a very smart person, but not with him. I genuinely loved him with every fiber in my being and it is the most painful thing in the world to have to accept that for 2 WHOLE YEARS (thats a lot for me) he never loved or cared about me a single bit. that all the memories we made meant nothing to him, he never felt any connection to me at all. I know narcissists don’t have empathy, but I can not seem to wrap my head around how a human being can’t feel ANYTHING like that at all, especially considering I’m not like most girls, I’m different and unique and he would tel me that all the time… but he never meant it.

I was doing better for those 5 months of no contact, yes I got sad about him often but not in anyway how I feel right now, after finding out so recently that he has been sleeping next to the same girl every night when he goes to bed. How he’s happy with a new girl, after all the pain and suffering he put me through he goes to bed every night without any regret, and his apartments all but a 10 minute walk away from me. He wants nothing to do with me, he never apologized to me, had any closure, came up to me in person at the end of our relationship to end things peacefully and civilly like adults- none of that. He abandoned me, and now he’s happy with his new supply. How is that fair? I’m crying myself to sleep every night about him, i feel alone and unlovable, while the monster he is gets to forget about me and all I did for him while he’s having sex with his new girlfriend? He doesn’t deserve a girlfriend, he doesn’t deserve all the attention this new girl is giving him and boosting his ego. If anything I should be the one who has a boyfriend who appreciates me like this new girl loves and appreciates him.

He’s graduating in May, so thankfully I won’t have to see deal with the thought of bumping into him next year at school. But at this rate, I don’t know how I can manage making it till May. I go back and forth between anger, sadness, regret, and self-hate… exactly what he wants me to be like. But I will never, NEVER take him back. I blocked his number and blocked him on every social media account I could. I know exactly the kind of monster he is now and I will never give him the time of day again, that i know for sure. I don’t even think he will ever attempt to reach out to me again because he’s already moved on to his next girl, and after that girl he’ll go on to the next one… he has left me in the dust a long time ago and has no intentions of looking back.

I just need to know that karma will come back to get him in the future. It disgusts me to think that he is going to break so many girls hearts and be the absolute monster that he is to girls in the future and get away with it scotch free. I read many articles online that say that narcissists are way too intelligent for karma, and that it will not effect them, they will never get a taste of their own medicine or feel any type of pain even remotely similar to the pain they cause their victims…. and that SICKENS me. I need to know that he will be miserable one day, that he will finally realize the destruction he caused others because he will get to feel that exact same way. I need to know that he won’t just go through life feeling so grandiose and full of himself that he never gets what he so desperately deserves, which is a narcissistic injury SO IMMENSE that it is comparable to the suffering he caused me, and is still causing me to this day without even realizing it.

I know the best thing for me to do is move on and be happy, but it’s easier said than done. I need guidance, reassurance, anything that will help me start to move forward. I want to make it look as though he hasn’t fazed me whenever I’m in public, because I know he would love to hear that I’m still so hung up on him, but just the thought of bumping into him and his new gf on the street makes me want to puke, especially if they look so cute and happy. He doesn’t deserve it, he doesn’t deserve it, he doesn’t deserve to be happy.

I do 🙁

I am in a high conflict divorce. I have been reading lots of articles about narcissism and mental health issues and still feel no where to put my soon to be my ex husband. I have never experienced this before for 15 years I still have trouble to understand who he is. Outside he is a great guy, happy, chatty , helpful and always tries to please friends and always grabs the bills. He donates substantial amount of money to charities and did not care to leave his name. He seems to feel bad about people who suffer in pain. These traits seem to be very non narcissistic. Not so much at home. He had a drinking problem and always search for some kind of substance that can make him happy. He lies pathologically he knows that I know the truth and still lies. He is a master of gaslighting I have photographic kind of memories yet he managed to shake my confidence and made me wonder : is it possible that I am crazy ? I started to take notes and carefully watch every single detail how he manipulates it and in no time I am thrown in a big pit of guilt and blame and no room even for for to climb out because a mountain of accusations and blame was thrown into the pit I was soon buried. He cheated repeatedly always knees down to beg for another chance and cries his eye balls out for forgiveness but as soon as he feels the crisis is over he is back to be the nasty person again. He makes excuses and blames me for his cheating saying he never feels love from me and he was looking for love. He cheats with prostitues and has anonymous sex so it is very hard for me to figure out when he is cheating again. I caught him red handed 5 times with proof being thrown on my face. I believe he has cheated much more.

He wakes up unhappy most of the time and snarls at me throughout the day. I have been more and more careful not to piss him off by doing things exactly what he wants but still it seems a never fulfilling job. He complains about one thing I quickly changed it and only to find he complains again. He does sweet talk and praises me but years after years he only praises how I look, how well I cook and how smart and tenanted I am. He never comments about my personality and my heart and who I am, which is the biggest part of me. My friends like who I am by my kind heart to people and my straight forwarded zero game and lies personality but none of these were ever even noticed by my husband in 15 years. Whenever he is angry at me, he uses the most oppposite terms to describe me: bimbo, materialistic , vicious and manipulative and cold. Omg! None of these is even close to who I am. I start to realize he does not know who I am and he does not want to know who I am. He is content to keep me there to look after everything in his life and content to brag about me and eventually I realized he brags about me so he looks great. It has nothing to do with the appreciation of who I am and what I have done for the family. It is all about him: his money, his success. If you stroke his ego by giving him very superficial praises he will do things for you. I have seen people use him by throwing very untrue praises to boost his ego he can be like a child easily be fooled and do things for them. On the other hand, he is so cunning and never seems to trust anybody. I just can never put him together as one person.

After I moved out he moved in with a philipinono young woman whom he met for just one month and 28 years younger than him, all the neighbors were stunned but he seems calm and happy as if this young woman has been his wife for 20 years and the neighbors are crazy. My son is so upset and refused to see him his daughter from the previous marriage refused to see him. As a father who claims thing is more important than his children I am so surprised that he does not give a damn about this children’s feelings either. His life is full of energy again: taking his young new girlfriend to fancy dinners buying very expensive clothes for her and helping her big poor family of 9 in the Philippines but telling me and his other ex wife has no money to pay for support . None of his friends or his own siblings would believe me if I tell them he did not pay us a penny for a year and freeze all the money we jointly owned maximized the family account credit cards that are under my name. The bank was after me for the money I had no choice to borrow from friends. Same time he created incredible amount of lies vilifying me. Whoever he did or is doing he says I did and I am doing. I was going crazy under this pressure that people suddenly look at me I am the crooked one. Only those close friends of me who truly know who I am are appalled by his conducts and have been loaning us money to support me and my 10 year old son. Everyday I find myself still struggling to understand is he a monster or just human with mental illness? I have been struggling for years and still no answer. One thing I know for sure that the nice guy image he created outside is not what I will get as his wife, what I get is a miserable man who lies , cheats and gives me STD ( yes the last straw was STD he gave me and yet still manage to shift the blame on me ) and blames me for everything, all his suffering is from me and yet he is the one clinging on me terrified that I leave him. He threatens to kill hi,self if I leave I was backed down a few times because of that. This time I pulled the plug just to find out he is happily ever after again in as short as one month with a young cleaning lady he barely knows, btw he is a successful lawyer. Now he acts like his life is perfect and never had a history of 15 years marriage with me.

Is he a narcissist? Or just BPD ? Or both? I still drift to self blame that what if he is just mentally ill and needs help and treatment?