Another Poem to a Narcissistic Lover

Hi Zari,
I purchased your book because I didn’t understand what narcissistic behavior really was. I have known a man in his late 40’s who was once my boss. He encouraged me to return to graduate school, and so it began, seven years ago. He love-bombed me for a year. As I read your book, I couldn’t believe that you described him exactly! I didn’t know what to do! I really believed that I loved him, ready to give up everything to be with him! He came to me around the second year and asked to borrow approximately a thousand dollars. Stupidly, I gave it to him and he has never returned it. He promised to return it but always had excuses even though he was making six figures. He is no longer my boss and has moved up the ladder! I stepped away and he began hoovering. I always believed that he genuinely cared until I found out that there were many others. The last time I saw him, he wanted intimacy but I refused saying that I wasn’t his booty call. He texted two times and has now disappeared. I am going no contact and it’s so difficult but I must keep my vision on taking care of me and my goals! My friends tell me to stay strong with no contact! Thank you for writing this book. It was an eye opener!

Zari, I just started reading your book, after finding out my N has been married for 3 years to another woman. He also has guilted me into giving him hundreds of thousands of dollars. Unfortunately laws in Indiana, I cannot get thr bastard arrested. But he should be very surprised when he gets a ppo, delivered to him I’m hoping in a few days..your books have helped me immensely.. I start therapy this week.. it’s been 2 weeks and I feel so much stronger.. your book was my aha moment.. just wanted to say thank you from the bottom of my heart..

I am so glad that you have taken the time to write all of these books. I am still in contact with my N because I am so financially in debt with everything, including the Mercedes Benz he so smartly used me to buy to floss around and Lear new victims, thank god it is only in my name or I would probably be car-less. He is a real life terrorist. I have been living with him approx 11 years now. I have even been to a psychiatrist because he really had me thinking I was loosing my mind. Your books help me each day see what a N he is and I am really trying to figure out how to go no contact, while keeping my job, not letting my mother get beat up or her house burned down. Happy holiday from my family to yours Zari.

Take Care,

Jenn from the bay area California….

Your words are really opening my eyes to see and realize there’s people with this problem. It seems so unreal for a human to beable to do suck a thing to others. Do they even know there doing this do they think its ok????

I am waking up from the dream. Realizing It’s really just a nightmare I’ve been convincing myself to keep experiencing. Your words could have come right off my lips. The N is an empty soul. There is nothing emotionally valuable within them, except what we project onto them. They do not think like we do. They have no compassion or conscience. They don’t ever see us. They only see the reflection of themselves in our eyes.
I’m trying to get out. I’m afraid that he will hurt me when realizes that he’s losing control over me. He has a gun and has threatened to use it to kill me if I ever leave him. He has everyone in his life fooled. He hurt his daughter and no one believed her. Not even me. I want to protect her, but I have to protect myself and my children first. I have documentation of some of his most recent lies and proof of his cheating. I’m going to get out. I’m going no contact, with a restraining order more than likely, since he knows where I work, and I’m going to tell his mother what he really is when I’m safely disentangled. If she doesn’t listen, I will tell his daughter’s school. She cuts herself already. I don’t know what she might do if I leave her with him.
I’m putting out so many fires, I haven’t even had time to think about how broken my heart is. He love bombed me with the sweetest words I’ve ever had poured over me. I loved him, loved this lie so very much that it took, not only red flags, but a brick wall, to make me stop and accept that he is actually who I feared him to be. I stopped doubting my intuition. Stopped ignoring the little voice that has never led me astray. The proof of my rightness staring me right in the face. We live together. We built a life. I trusted him with everything. My money, my children, my health, my heart. N is not capable of unconditional love. N is not capable of healthy love. N is only capable of self love.
Thank you for being here. Unless you’ve experienced it, you just don’t get it. You get it. I’m very grateful for the insight and support.

Zari you write so beautifully – your wisdom, your insight – for all that you so generously share – the words “thank you” seem vastly inadequate. Nevertheless, I am going to use them! Thank you, thank you, thank you.