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Narcissists & The Art of Future-Faking

wolfCalling out a narcissist as a pathological liar is not as important as pin pointing the type of lying that he does that really cuts us to the core: future-faking. By this, I mean that the narcissist talks about or hints at a future together to get what he wants from us right now. Indeed, his innate ability to future-fake is probably the narcissist’s most effective tactic for managing down our expectations and the biggest reason for why we stay in a relationship that is obviously so bad for us. In other words, it’s the depth and breadth of the lie that we become tethered to because it speaks to our heart’s desires…to what we’ve wanted all along. The narcissist, of course, knows this and thus will use his knowledge of our heartfelt desires to string us along until the end of time. It’s the part of the narcissistic pathological relationship agenda that lends itself to the fact that there is no boundary that a narcissist will not cross to get what he wants in the moment that he wants it.

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Now, mind you, what I’m talking about here goes far beyond the periodic broken promise because a periodic broken promise can be easily forgiven when followed by a promise kept. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the perpetual broken promise that carries the allusion of a promised future. It’s these types of broken promises that hurt the most because the lie itself is intensified by the authenticity of the way it’s presented. The narcissistic lover will spin us a future via promises containing all the words we want to hear. They’ll spin us a future via mirroring back to us all the things that we want from the relationship. They get us to stay or to come back or to wait for them to come back by faking a future with us that ultimately never happens. Future-faking is so much worse than ordinary lying because it shows how much of a pretender extraordinaire the narcissist really is.

For the first few years of my 13-year relationship, I made it so easy for my ex-boyfriend to future fake that he barely had to say a word – and he knew it. If he even alluded to doing something together in the “future”, I’d ride the fucking wave of hope right up to the shoreline where he’d gleefully slap me off my surfboard. Up until that point, of course, he’d have gotten whatever he wanted which was usually to stroll back in after several weeks of silence (with no repercussions or questions asked) or to have hot sex not after but during a fight or to distract me from catching him in a lie. For all of the above, he had no problem saying whatever it took to get the job done. Eventually, I grew defiant and combative whenever he even mentioned a future event because I knew it would never happen but that didn’t stop him from future-faking because to deliberately deceive me was… well… just too much fun!

Here are some of the ways that a narcissist will use future-faking to keep us in his queue of narcissistic supply:

  1. Future-faking during the idolize/love-bombing phase to make us think that this person really wants the same things that we do in life. This type of future-faking creates what I call the soulmate effect. Example: “Oh My God, that’s my favorite band too! Look, they’re coming in 4 months. I’ll get us some tickets – that’s a date!” or “You know, from the moment I saw you, I just KNEW we’d be together for a really long time” or “I can’t believe we like ALL the same things. I’ve never had that with anybody. YOU are the one for me.”
  2. Future-faking as a hoovering technique but only when we’ve had enough and have finally gone No Contact. Since a narcissist can typically lure us back with mere crumbs, future-faking is the emergency back-up in his bag of hoovering tricks. Example (by phone) “No, no no…don’t hang up! I wanna get married!” or (by text) “Hey it’s me. Look, I’m sorry. Let’s live together” or (in person) “Wait..look into my eyes. Can’t you see how much I love you? I want to grow old together.”
  3. Future-faking to end a fight. If, in the middle of a fight, the narcissist feels as if he may be losing, he’ll typically toss out some future-fakery to get you to relinquish control. Example: “Okay, okay..look, can’t we just stop this nonsense and get married or something?”
  4. Future-faking as part of conversation. Narcissists, as we know, thoroughly enjoy hearing the sound of their own voice and consequently will future fake just to keep the conversation going. Example: “Hey, I’ve been thinking that you could really help me start my business. What do ya think? Wanna do it together?” or “Remember when we talked about France awhile back. I think it’s time we started planning for that trip.”
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The idea of writing about future-faking was actually provided to me by a lovely woman who, during a phone consultation, lamented the fact that her narcissistic ex would continually make meaningful plans and then vanish into thin air. Shortly before the final discard, during a peaceful moment, he’d even urged her to start planning for a trip to Paris for the following year – something they had both expressed an interest in doing together over the years. Excited, she went to work, making the plans, researching the details….getting ready for what would undoubtedly be a trip of a life time. The fact that this was his idea and that he appeared excited it gave her hope that he actually meant it…that despite his ridiculous and unexpected silent treatments, he obviously intended to be around for the future, for the TRIP. Unfortunately, this was not to be when, shortly thereafter, over something ridiculous and unrelated, he simply vanished never to be heard from again as if the plans were never made. To her, obviously, this was devastating and hard to wrap her head around. When I labeled his behavior as “future-faking”, she was shocked by the fact that, here again, was another universal behavior so typical of the narcissistic personality that there was actually a term to describe the nonsense. I remember feeling that same shock. It’s the kind of shock that prompts us to review and re-label so many moments from the relationship. It’s the kind of shock that makes us shake our heads in sadness, wondering why the hell we allowed ourselves to stay in the relationship beyond perhaps not the first but – hell – at least the second time that it happened.

Seriously, how many futures need to be faked before we realize that fakery is all it’s ever going to be? When does it become time to reconcile the blame? In my case, the answer to that would have to be thousands or 13-years worth or whatever number the last faked future was before he never came back to me. In all honesty, it took me years to not realize but rather accept that my ex’s ability to future fake was just that – an ability – and that he never ever planned to follow through with anything that took place in a future time beyond, say, the next ten minutes. I had realized plenty before that but coming to a point of acceptance was a whole other thing. To accept that the person we love is a future-faker means realizing and accepting the reality that this person is NOT normal and NOTHING about this behavior is acceptable. There ARE people in the world who mean what they say and say what they mean…but the narcissist that we love/loved is NOT one of them. Hindsight may be twenty-twenty, my friends, but let’s be grateful that it happens at all. What happens after that is up to us and all we can do is the right thing.

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95 Comments

  • Yulia

    February 21, 2016 at 10:55 pm Reply

    I love it that you come up with the term “future fake.” Every narcissist and sociopath does it.

    I met my first narcissist when I was right out of school. Future faking was what he did to hook me. He would drop hints here and there that he was thinking and planning long term with me:

    1) when I was looking for a job he told me his firm was looking to hire, as if he would love to work in the same office with me. (Hint: he already knew I didn’t want to do the same line of work he did)

    2) when i was looking for a new apartment (and this is only a few weeks after I met him), he suggested that I be his roommate as his roommate just got married and moved out (hint: he knew I wouldn’t consider taking a male roommate, especially someone I only knew for a few weeks)

    3) first time he took me to an opera, he said casually (as if talking to himself): “to the first of our many operas”

    Fast forward 2 months, he disappeared into the thin air. No response to text messages or emails. Never picked up the phone. I was thoroughly confused, because everything I googled told me that if I guy was thinking about the future he really liked you and was serious about you. Of course at the time i had heard of NPD or APD (antisocial personality disorder, aka sociopath).

    After a couple weeks he suddenly emerged, giving me ridiculous explanations (lost his cell phone in a cab or something like that). And more future fakery. So I took him back, because at the time I didn’t know there were humans who were capable of intentionally deceiving you. Every time he re-emerged, he would give me more future fakery (promising that he has changed, promising that things won’t be the same anymore, planning trips together, building holiday traditions together, etc etc)

    Fast forward 3 years, and many rounds of disappearances and reappearances, and countless confusion, heartbreak, crying and disappointment later, I discovered a website created by Shari Schreiber. For the first time I learned about NPD (although she calls what you identify as narcissistic personality disorder as BPD/borderline personality disorder; and she calls the victim in the relationship a NPD. She also attributes a lot of sociopath qualities to BPD.). In any event, once I learned this guy is actually not normal and therefore he was in fact deliberately lying, I went no contact for good. It’s been more than 3 years. Once I ran into him at the train station, but I just ignored him and walked pass him as if he was a complete stranger.

    Since then, I met 2 more NPD/sociopath, who both tried future faking shamelessly.

    First one is a sociopath (in my neighborhood) who loved to instant message and text all day long with me. But I hated that. I told him I wasn’t interested in texting for the sake of texting. So he would make a plan with me to go out on Sunday and then continue to text me everyday throughout the week, only to vanish on Saturday. And had the thick skull to reappear on Monday, saying he did try to buy movie tickets for Sunday, but all movies were sold out (seriously? There are 2 movie theaters within walking distance of our neighborhood, and at least 2 or 3 more within 15 minutes by public transportation. And he expected me to believe in his ridiculous lie?!). However, this guy is after my discovery of NPD/APD/BPD, so I was able to avoid falling into his trap.

    The third one (not sure if he is NPD or APD, as I went NC before spending long enough time to find out) would often drop hints that he was thinking about starting a family (talking about what kind of house he wanted, which neighborhood he wanted to raise his family, asking me about my preferences regarding the same subjects, even went as far as asking me multiple times about the style of rings I like, etc etc). Only to drop me out of blue after 2 months. Then re-emerged after 6 months, telling me how he missed me, etc etc and asked me what I wanted to do and that he wanted to do everything with me, etc etc. This time I was aware enough to did a thorough search on him, and found out he was actually married!! (So hard to believe because when we first met, he asked me about my dating experience, and I told him there were so many married men trying do date me and made it clear I didn’t want any of that). I texted him my discovery and told him I knew who his wife was (hinting that i could get in contact with her if I wanted to). He disappeared for good after the text.

    Future fakery is such an important subject, because without the knowledge we easily fall into the traps of Narccissts and sociopaths. (Especially every so called “dating experts” all tell you that thinking of you in his future is a sign that a man is actually into you. Apparently these “dating experts” have never met a NPD/APD, ha!). I am so glad I saw this article. To see that other people have been through the exact same shit is proof that this is nothing personal, but just the NPD/APD’s standard modus operandi. I wish I had come across your website back in 2008 when I first met that NPD so I wouldn’t have wasted 3 years of my life on him

    Knowledge is power! So I want to thank you for spreading the knowledge

  • sander

    December 18, 2015 at 7:56 pm Reply

    I’m dealing with all the pain this brings. My girlfriend (ex) did everything described here. She destroyed my life, broke my heart in a way i never deemed possible. i’m not going to go into detail because it is to painfull. I can honestly say that i am horrified that there is an actual term for this :'(…

    I found some more info about future-fakers which describe 2 kinds of future-fakers. but my ex answer to both!!!
    There are probably two sets of people who engage in these damaging fantasies:

    1. The ones who intentionally say and do the right things so that they get what they want. Maybe they benefit financially, get their ego stroked, a shag, a shoulder to lean on, less hassle about them delivering on promises, whatever. These people are especially passive aggressive because they appear to be going along with you when all the while, they’re creeping around behind your back doing something else so that they do what they always intended to do anyway.

    2. Then there are the ones who meant it as much as they could mean it at the time. They want to believe that they’ll do these things but due to their overall nature of having actions that don’t match words, they’re reactive and very Out Of Sight/Out of Mind and so the moment that the dust settles a little and the realisation dawns that they have to commit to what they have said and follow through, they panic and extricate themselves out of things either in a dramatic manner by just disappearing for example, or by subtly and passive aggressively shifting their way out of things. Maybe they orchestrate a fight by behaving like a jackass so that you react and then they can find an excuse to dodge whatever bullet they’re trying to dodge.

    She eventually used the “orchestrate a fight” way

    I don’t know how i can deal with all of this. For the past month i’ve been crying nonstop. even in my sleep and when i wakeup

    If only……. F*ck it i’m a wreck

    • Zari Ballard

      December 25, 2015 at 6:28 pm Reply

      Hi Sander,

      Yup, that about describes the future-faking. The bottom line, though, is that whether they really mean at the moment or whether they’re lying from the get-go and know it, the end result is all the same. I am so sorry that you feel so badly and I pray you get over it quickly. I wrote a book that’s downloadable from Amazon….When Evil Is a Pretty Face...that’s all about the female narcissist. It may help clarify things for you and, if nothing else, the stories shared within it by other guys just like you will let you know that you’re not alone.

      Stay strong, brother, and I’m here to support you!

      Zari xo

    • ELLJAYPEE

      May 19, 2016 at 10:17 am Reply

      Sander,

      I just found the same article you mentioned above with the 2 kinds. I firmly believe mine was the more benign if the two. He was a faker that didn’t mean to be a faker. I choose to believe this about my faker because I can’t believe anyone would purposely set out to deceive another for butterflies or ego strokes.

  • Omar

    December 1, 2015 at 10:59 am Reply

    Hi,
    What is wrong with “wanting to grow old together.”? What is more beautiful in life than wanting to grow old with the woman you love? Is that a sign of a narcissist too?

    With respect, you also seem to portray the narcissist in your writings as being the man in the relationship. This, i find unfair and upsetting.

    I have and still am suffering from a narcissistic ex wife who knows how to play the Jekyll and Hyde routine, To this day, she still hurts me through our grown children, who she keeps close to herself, since each time them come close to me, and discover for themselves that i am not the evil, mean father she tells everyone i am, she would manage to pull them back towards her. Unfortunately, parental alienated children are easily manipulated by the alienating parent. She is a psychologist and she knows every trick in the trade.

    So please, try in your articles to be more fair about gender because the truth is, women can be as narcissistic as men. Thank you.
    Omar

    • Zari Ballard

      December 1, 2015 at 11:16 am Reply

      Hi Omar,

      You’re missing the point of the article. Of course there’s nothing wrong with wanting to grow old together – we ALL want a relationship like that. The article is about the narcissistic tactic of future-faking which is all about saying what we want to hear and giving us the illusion of having a future together to get what they want in the moment. And if I portray the narcissist in the article as being a man, that’s because, in my relationship, that’s what he was – for 13-years. This website is based on my experiences as are the books that I write.

      As for your own experience, I’m one of the only female bloggers on narcissism that understands completely the evils of the female narcissist. In fact, I will go to my personal email after I post this and send you a copy of my book When Evil Is a Pretty Face that I wrote specifically for the guys after realizing that male victims were getting lost in the shuffle. Please follow this link to my article dedicated to just that as well. Under that article, in the comment section, you’ll find a whole bunch of stories from men that are just like your own. Female narcissists have their male counterparts beat hands down in the evil department. The fact that your ex is a psychologist doesn’t surprise me at all but it definitely puts her at the front of the pack.

      I’ve tried to write article gender non-specific (using he/she, her/him etc.) but it takes away from the content and the flow of the writing. There’s not a whole lot I can do about that. However, I’ll send you my book because I believe it will bring clarity to your own situation. I’m truly sorry that you’ve had to go through all that. I have consultations all the time with men who have suffered the same fate. Particularly when there are children involved, the evil is through the roof.

      I’ll send the book to the email that you used to write your post so please look for it. Please write anytime and know that this website is a place of support:)

      Zari xo

  • Maxie

    September 15, 2015 at 12:02 pm Reply

    Hi Zari—Everything you post always hits home for me, and this one about Future Faking has a significant impact. I cannot tell you how many times she future faked me, yet each time I somehow had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right— This Narc trick was the pinnacle of her pathological lying. As you’ve stated many times, “they lie even when the truth is a better story”.

    I suppose the “Ah-Ha” moment for me was when I finally accepted the fact that the entire relationship was a carefully orchestrated illusion which worked like a charm. This wasn’t her first rodeo, and it probably won’t be her last. And, although I realize that I was just there to fill a temporary void until something better came along (which is a recurring theme with her), it still hurts knowing that she never truly loved me…..because she lacks the ability to love anyone. I believe we must always remember that these social misfits suffer from a significant mental disorder and are, in fact, very sick predators who prey on good people.

    Thank you for sharing,
    Maxie

    • Zari Ballard

      September 26, 2015 at 3:01 pm Reply

      Hi Maxie,

      I’m so glad you come around and share your observations! Yes, you’re right, it isn’t her first rodeo and it won’t be her last. Once we “get” that…that it’s all an illusion, a staged event…somehow a light goes off. It’s never fun to realize it’s all been bullshit but somehow that made it easier for me in the long run because I realized IT WASN’T ME!! LOL Somehow knowing that his feelings for me weren’t any different than the feelings he had for the teller at the bank made things less traumatizing. The only thing that lingers still is the time wasted and that JUST PISSES ME OFF! I’d much rather be mad than sad:)

      Stay strong and sorry I haven’t got back to you sooner. I love to see you here!

      Zari xo

      • Maxie

        September 27, 2015 at 1:58 am Reply

        Hi Zari—I know how busy you must be so any response from you, whenever, is a very pleasant gift. My book is progressing quiet well and although writing it has been cathartic, it does get a bit painful at times. I have been very careful to not let it be a vehicle for “Ex-Narc bashing” and, more importantly, maintain some literary integrity. Believe me, there are times when I want to take the gloves off and expose her for the wicked monster that she truly is. But, I have maintained an even keel thus far and have simply expressed the facts and the truth. It’s a story with chapter reviews that encapsulate the mechanics of the abuse and brainwashing I was subjected and succumbed to. More importantly, I hope it will shed some light on the dangers of associating with, on any level, individuals who have cultivated this mental disorder.

        I just got back from doing a fundraiser gig for Saint Jude’s Children’s hospital. Again, so many of my friends came forward and rallied for me and emphasized that I dodged a MAJOR bullet—even though I was the one that was discarded. It’s so refreshing having that kind of support.

        The two things that are most challenging for me is: (1) the realization that the entire relationship , from day one, was a carefully orchestrated illusion. And (2) all the things I did for her simply meant nothing. As you said, her feelings for me where no different than her feelings for the teller at the bank. This is so disturbing and defies the very fiber of our human nature. The acceptance of these two disturbing facts is the path toward recovery for me. I hope that other readers and bloggers will embrace your words of wisdom and know that you are there for them and we are all a team.

        Thank you so much,
        Maxie

        • Zari Ballard

          September 28, 2015 at 5:50 pm Reply

          Maxie wrote...As you said, her feelings for me where no different than her feelings for the teller at the bank. This is so disturbing and defies the very fiber of our human nature. The acceptance of these two disturbing facts is the path toward recovery for me.

          Hi Maxie,

          Those two things are the hardest for everybody but once we “get that” (and you won’t even know it when it happens, you’ll just start feeling better about it), it’s a smooth road after that.

          I love that you’re writing a book. My first book – When Love Is a Lie – changed my life. It’s been an amazing journey and I know it will be the same for you. If you have any questions when your done about publishing (if that’s your intention), let me know. I’d be glad to help. Just like the fundraiser, your book will be your way of giving back. Life plays itself out in mysterious ways!

          Rock on, brother!

          Zari xo

      • Maxiey

        October 6, 2015 at 12:27 am Reply

        Hi Zari—First of all, thank you for your offer to provide me with any helpful publishing tips when the time comes. I do want to publish my book when I’m finished and I’m very excited about the progress thus far. I’ve gotten so many wonderful ideas (and so much information) from you, Martha Stout, Eleanor Payson, and of course Sam Vaknin. My road to survival started with reading “When Love Is a Lie” and “When Evil Is a Pretty Face”—I’ve read both of them twice! I’ve also left reviews on Amazon.

        Now, for her latest shenanigan which has left me and my friends completely perplexed. A friend texted me yesterday morning asking me why I didn’t come over to her and her husband’s house after my gig. I stopped by earlier to drop of his b-day gift and told them I might come back afterwards. She saw a pic of me the next day on Facebook of me posing with a band I know during their break at a local club. It was posted by my ex-Narc, inferring that I was hanging out there after my gig. I said, “WTF’? It had been a really long day for me and I went straight home after the gig. I was exhausted. The kicker is that it’s an old pic (probably taken a year or so ago). My friend said that my ex-Narc is probably starting to miss you and is having trouble finding someone who’ll wait on her hand and foot (as I did) and will look past her pathological lying. Well, as Bob Dylan would say, “It Ain’t me Babe” LOL!!
        Thank you for your understanding and support….rock on my friend!
        Maxiey

  • Kate

    August 31, 2015 at 4:53 am Reply

    Thank you for writing this article, it describes my 10 year marriage to a tee. I am pleased to say I have ended the marriage, it was such a relief. Good luck people, life is better without a Narc, you can become a person again, not just an extra arm or tool for them.

    • Zari Ballard

      September 5, 2015 at 12:06 pm Reply

      Hi Kate,

      Thank you for writing and for reading here at my website. Yes, life is better without a narc. One day at a time, detachment, and indifference are the keys to the emotional recovery. It is within the reach of all who come here and we can help each other get to that point. Recovery is a team effort!!

      Stay strong!!

      Zari xo

  • Dabri

    June 27, 2015 at 4:18 am Reply

    I have been with a man for over seven years. It has been off and on and we had a child whom he didn’t really show interest in so instead of letting him come and go I wouldn’t allow him to be around until he was consistent.he hates that word.during that time and the whole seven years, we have talked and he will go into his modes of not talking to me for weeks. Last time it was over nothing and lasted months bc he was seeing someone else.when he thought I was seeing someone then he’d talk to me.he finally ended things with that girl to be with me.i thought maybe this time it’d work and it’d be ideal bc I love him and for our child.i just set boundaries, like I wanted to see him stick around before we revealed who he was.so it’s been less than two months and he gets mad at me constantly.he days I’m too affectionate, I’m not enough, I’m too needy, he doesn’t feel the need to “reassure” me all the time which I haven’t asked for. He stopped talking to me the other day again over something he said I was mad about which was completely ridiculous and untrue but he said I was lying that it didn’t make me mad , “nuts” and he was done unless I got “help”. He has been ignoring all of my many calls and b texts now. I honestly didn’t do anything but become upset, more saddened by the way he spoke to Me when he told me I was upset. He said that it’s me and the last girl he was dating never argued with him like we do (and I don’t even understand bc I don’t feel like we argue all the time). He says I’m insecure which maybe I am in some ways.i know I feel insecure not knowing what’s going to happen with us but he says it’s bc I’m worried about other females

    • Zari Ballard

      July 14, 2015 at 3:27 pm Reply

      Hi Dabri,

      I’m sorry it has taken me so long to respond to you. I, too, suffered silent treatments – literally hundreds of them over 13-years – for no reason at all and it about made me insane. If you look in the right sidebar in the article library you’ll find many articles about that very thing and exactly what it means. Do not accept this type of cruel and unusual punishment because he will continue to do it until the end of time. The silence is used to buy himself time for doing other things with other people – make no mistake about it.

      Please, if you can, download my book When Love Is a Lie from Amazon because you will see yourself on every page. In this book, I share my story and explain in detail the strategies of these jerks and it will empower you to make some important decisions. I guarantee it.

      Stay strong and I’m here to support you!

      Zari xo

  • Shoshannah

    June 18, 2015 at 4:17 pm Reply

    Thank you again for this blog. It’s really changing my life at this very moment. It hasn’t been long with my narc – less than a year of affair… then he proposed (but I’m not sure if he ever meant it, because he proposed while hoovering). Anyway, no marriage or anything serious is going to happen. For, as I am just realising, he is a narc. I am so grateful for this website, if not it, I might go further into this sick relationship.

    I could sense that something is wrong with him, but wasn’t sure what and didn’t realise how serious the problem is. Now I know, suddenly everything makes sense:
    – silent treatments
    – cold shoulders
    – hoovering
    – ghastlisting
    – cheating
    – lying
    – weird sex behaviours
    – future faking
    Every single feature… My guy is a role model of a narc! Now I understand why I am so emotionally exhausted, even though nothing really serious has even started between us yet.

    So thanks again. Thanks to you, I will now enjoy the silnece… and prepare myself to not let him back in.

    I think he will be back, because… We’re within the silent treatment – after a fight. But I can see that he continues with the game – didn’t give me my clothes back, didn’t cancel his visit until the last minute, so that I hope that it will happen, and now he even started to like and share my posts on facebook (quite surprising, after our fight and weeks of not responding to my calls etc, I would rather expect him to block me than to like and share my posts). I am ignoring all of this, but I expect him to hoover, sooner or later, for otherwise, I don’t know why he would be doing all of those weird little things. Right?

    Anyway, now I am trying to get my balance back, so that when he does hoover I am strong enough to not let him in. Again, thank you!

    • Zari Ballard

      June 18, 2015 at 9:56 pm Reply

      Hi Shoshanna,

      I’m grateful that you made your way to my website. I like to hear that someone is learning from my mistakes – seriously, that is the point of all of this. If you get a chance, read my book When Love Is a Lie. It’s downloadable from Amazon and through this website and if you think you have validation now, the book will cinch it for you.

      Once we make the connection from our partner to narcissism, there is no going back. This is why I tell those who sit on the fence about their partner’s behaviors, “If you think he is a narcissist, he is”. The behaviors are too universal…too predictable (once you know)..to be denied. Now that you know, ignore those hoovers. Nothing a narcissist does is EVER random (i.e. the “liking/sharing” of FB posts, etc.) and it’s all about keeping you off-balance and wondering. BLOCK HIM from calling, texting, and all social media. If you don’t, you will continue to wait and then days and then months and even longer will pass. Less than a year is a very short amount of time in the narcissist’s mind. He still has all kinds of abuse up his sleeve to subject you to and he knows that it’s been a short enough period since the beginning that he can still hook you in. End it now because what we allow, will continue.

      Please read the book…..I guarantee it will COMPLETELY change the way you see this creature and how you behave going forward. Stay strong!

      Zari xo

      • Shoshannah

        June 20, 2015 at 4:16 pm Reply

        Dear Zari,

        Thank you for your replies.

        I will definitely buy and read your books. After looking through your posts on this blog, I am sure that your books are a must-read for me. And I will look forward to your next publications.

        This is really amazing that you transform what you’ve been through and your pain into something good in order to help other people to save or restore their sanity. Thank you!

        All the best,
        Sho

        • Zari Ballard

          June 29, 2015 at 1:36 pm Reply

          Thanks, girl! Sometimes you gotta take the pain and turn it to a positive. I don’t think I went into it with that in mind but I’m grateful that it happened. Believe me, it’s my privilege to help in any way that I can…

          Zari xo

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