Is the Narcissist Happy Now? (A Reality Check)

I struggle with this. The idea that she might’ve changed for someone else. I can’t shake it. I left her twice already and both times I was elated and relieved until I find out she’s with someone else and then it kicks it “what if she’s different with her”, “what if I brought out the worst in her and this woman brings out the best”, “what if. . . what if. . . what if. I haven’t seen her in almost a year, and I still have these thoughts. It’s like I can’t relax until I have proof that she’s still an abusive shit, and I just don’t have it so I make up stories in my head about how happy they are. I read a lot about narcissism and she is spot-on all of the things described. Silent treatment, victim, liar, demoralizing, parasitic, abusive, passive-aggressive – all of it. We were together 10 years. I left her. We got back together a year later – same shit but worse – and I left her again! Why do I even care that she’s with someone else?? This woman was/is a nightmare in every possible way. Emotionally draining, financially draining, physically draining. I gave, she took. That was our relationship. And full of spite and revenge?? Whoa. After we broke up the first time, she went on a crusade of spite and vengeance that blindsided me. I actually even think she killed my cats to hurt me. I have no proof but my gut. During our relationship, we had a young cat (she was the love of my life) who passed away at 5-years-old for no reason. Just died. ????. Fast forward we get another cat, a few years later we break up, I keep the cat, she comes back into my life about a year later, and boom he dies!! He was 8 years old. Again, I have no proof but this is too coincidental for me. And in spite of all the gut feelings I have, I think I miss her? How is that possible? What. Is. Wrong. With. ME!!?? Shouldn’t I be happy and relieved and over it by now?? Some days I am but there are days where I am just full of rage. Just the thought that she might be happy or that she skipped away into the sunset unscathed sends me into a tizzy. She found another women days after we broke up the second time (who I’m sure she had waiting in the wings) whom she promptly moved in with and who is ALSO supporting her financially and emotionally. How does she find these people? Why can’t I find someone who will to do that? LOL!! Oy. Seriously, I know I’m lucky. I’m free. I’m independent. I have wonderful friends, family and a great job. I’m single a year now. I’m devoted to self-care and healing my childhood wounds. It’s hard. I’m in therapy, and I guess this shit just takes time, yeah? I just beat myself up for ruminating on this asshole like I do. I hate it and it makes me hate myself. Thanks, Zari. I value this site more than you know. It has helped me in way I can’t even explain.

Oh my, this article hit home! After 14 years and 3 children, I finally see things will NEVER change and be healthy. I am in the very beginning of the divorce process and already am being ‘tortured’ with threats and lies. He is lying to everyone to make me look bad. He claims he will have me thrown in jail and I will never see my babies again. I have felt he never truly loved me for a very long time and I don’t know why I would ever believe him. The cycles of love / hate were longer on the hate end. I believe he is BPD (borderline personality disorder) but a narcissist at the very least. All his psych exams shows he is fine though…ammo against me I’m sure. He was recently put on an anti psychotic but doesn’t take it properly. I called him out on it so now he hid them (before I could take a picture of course). He is a very good bull shitter and I fear that since he claims to be getting his millionaire ex boss’s lawyer he will win just because of that. I have a pro bone through a victim intervention program. It hurts to think that I spent 14 years of my life with someone that may not have even loved me. Every time I changed things for him, I was met with a new list of imperfections. His Mom enables him as always. He grew up in an abusive home. She agrees that she is just like his father except he doesn’t hit me with his fist, only his words. But I’m sure she would never admit that in front of him. Please tell me there is hope. I really am scared that his lies will cause me to lose my kids.

I realized I’m in a relationship of 3 yrs with a N after she dumped me. 3 yrs I stay patiently & I became emotionally outburst when I no longer cant control myself everytime she giving me silent treatment/sulking, irresponsible ‘take-take-take’ while I do the ‘give-give-give’, she never make her promises come true (she made a plan or desire that thing but I’m the one who accomplished it for her), she never display a sincere “thank you/appreciation” or apologies admitting her mistakes, i’ll always be there for her during her ‘hard times’ but she never be there for me on mine…I have to beg but she sulk more. She hate it when I tell others that she never coaxing me when I was sad.

She dumped me through text message & refused to see me with a reason she wanted to prioritize her job & no longer wants to date anybody. Then I found the truth was actually she got an affair with her co-worker. I sent her an angry text followed by “LIAR!!”…she still didnt admit her betrayals. Few minutes later I saw her & her ‘new lover’ calling me “an asshole” on her FB status. We didnt contact or seeing each other after that. Of course I felt a great sadness & devastation in those weeks of splitsville…but I still sane enough to not to chase after her or begging her to come back to me. It’s because I dont want to continue being in that relationship ‘suffering’.

Now it’s been 5th months after the breakup, I still felt the anger& hatred due to me in the past giving a lot of good things to her but she pay me back with being a shit. If only I could punish her with the same ‘bad things’ she’s done to me while we’re still together, but my mom, who sees the ‘changes’ in me since I’m with my N ex…adviced me to pray to God & believe in His plans. I did. Sometimes I cant stop myself from analyzing of how my N ex “came into my life, the red flags, staying there & came out again”…you know, it makes me no longer misses her or our memories. Instead it makes me loathe at her & people who have the same characteristics like her. My friends who didnt aware of ‘narcissisms’ adviced me to move on & find someone new, I just smile. Though still traumatized, I keep being positive, finding myself, spend bonding time more with family & friends, enjoying my solitude and simply eyeing on acquintances. Honestly, I still didnt want to start dating again. I only hope my life is getting better ahead & my thoughts of my N ex not haunting me anymore, amen.

Narc’s……..MONSTERS!! 3 years…..my story is horrific….. i was diagnosed with cancer after the first year with him….he beat me after my first round of chemo…. I put him in jail, but picked him up myself black and blue the next morning….the narc called ME to bail him out, unfortunately i did…. he verbally abused me thru my other three rounds of chemo claiming …no man will ever want you sick and bald, sadly he wouldn’t even touch me through out chemo he had hit on all my friends and I had defended him so they had all left me. I had to have treatment away from my home so i literally had zero support besides his cruelty… I had just found out his cheating ways last week the whole time i was ill and he blocked me???????? he never has been on Facebook!!

im stunned and finding it at times difficult to just function…. Im very successful and he never paid one bill or for one dinner the whole time… well except at the beginning when he was trying to “get me”

i have no closure what so ever and knowing my whole three years is just a joke hasn’t helped me…..

encouraging words are greatly appreciated

I blindly dealt with a narcissist for 13 months and it was the biggest waste of time of my life. He was perfect at first until later..of course I made my own mistakes but he was a very unforgiving and blamed me for everything and couldn’t take what he dished out. He was very disrespectful became distance and wanted to spend less time and me feel bad about myself always saying I’m a bad person when I try so hard to do things right make him happy but nothing worked and I lost a lot of weight. He would always go overboard with arguments and wouldn’t face me because he was a coward and throughout all of his relationships he’s always been a coward. Whenever I would try to give him constructive criticism he will always be in full blown rage. He didn’t care about my feelings as much as I did his but he is his father’s son. Right after our big fight and break up he already was with someone else. I am hurt by this but I do know he will never be happy. He is 25 and still childish unfortunately. Beware ladies his name is Masod Hunt. SAVE YOURSELF.

Dear Zari: Quick question about recent advice you gave to a lady who had been alerted, by her friends, of the shenanigans her ex narc bf was up to on FB. You advised the lady to get rid of her friends because “friends don’t do that.” I thought that was an interesting response. I alerted a friend of mine of her husband’s shenanigans on FB (photos posted of him and his new girlfriend partying) because I thought she should know. She had confided in me that her husband, who hadn’t completed their divorce proceedings, and was stalling on the financial support issue because he hadn’t “gotten the paperwork together.” This, after a year of stalling. I simply told her about the photo; I made no comment that if he had time to party, then he had time to get the divorce papers completed. Was that wrong?

You guys, I’ve been hesitating to post something on a narcissist related website cause I want to leave it in the past but I just remember how depressed (sick, in pain, sad) I was when my relationship with a narc ended so I want to help other women out here to recover. Believe me it takes time to forget what happened because our brains need to anticipate and understand all the f*ckery… But I will tell you from my experience, from something that I SAW right in front of my eyes, that HE IS NOT what he shares! (On social media) And EVERYthing is going to be Alright! Okay, I got to tell you a little bit of my story: I was with a narc for 2 years (2 years of more Downs than Ups/ leaving me to cheat, and coming back with poor excuses -.-“) at the end of those 2 years he was the best man a girl could have, carring, always making me laugh, offering me special gifts, telling me he loves me an shit everyday… Untill my mother expressed to his cousin she wants to talk with my ex. He suddenly ended the relationship telling me he is not ready to commit like that … (Chiiile lil boy, she just wants to talk.. :S) But The problem Was Not him not ready to commit, the problem was him Ready to commit WITH another girl. : ) hah (sorry its sounds funny now). So I don’t know where they met and when he started his cheating game but we broke up in january 2016 and he got married in june 2016 (YES after 5 mouths of relationship with the new target). So I was sad, and MAD knowing that the girl in question and her mother came to eat in my mothers’house 2 times in february 2016 (yes she DID). *i dindt know who she was at this time* Okay, so she went on summer vacation from july to august on my native country and while She was there I was invited to a birthday with my cousin where he was invited too and, GUESS what??? He CHEATED ON HIS WIFE! With another girl, in front of my eyes! Dancing, cuddling, With lipstick on his shirt and stuff. He even went back home in the same car I was with my cousin. Probably trying to get me to talk or whatever.. -.-” (think about that chris brown trying to get into karrueche tran car picture). Imagine his wife hearing all that. Now imagine being his wife! YOU DO NOT WANT THAT for sure. The best feeling in the world is to know that the problem was actually and truly NOT YOU. And think about it, Do somebody realy in love and happy to be engaged act this way?? Do they get back home in the same car of their ex?? If the answer is what we all think then smile : D and thank God everyday that he took that out of your life because he wants to give you what you deserve: the BEST.