Is the Narcissist Happy Now? (A Reality Check)

Thank you for this post. My story is a bit different, I think. You see, the new supply isn’t new at all. My N and I dated for two years when we were in our early twenties, he cheated, it didn’t work out, and he moved out. Fast forward 10 years, and I was newly divorced. It’s like the N could sense it, and he emailed me. We started getting together every now and then, and I assumed that he had grown up and could stay faithful now. I mean, he had just gotten out of a long term relationship because, even though they had a son together, the ex was crazy. Good thing he dodged that bullet, right? We had a great time together, and I was so happy that he was back in my life. Things slowly got more serious, I introduced him to my daughter, we spent nearly every evening/weekend together. After about two years of this, he said he was going to start being more selfish with his time, had plans to stay in (“in” was his mother’s basement that he called home) almost every weekend. A little investigation on my part revealed he was dating his sister’s best friend. Someone who he had dated right after we broke up the first time years ago. I confronted him and got some story about how he wasn’t attracted to her, but it was expected that they date because of how much she meant to the family. It would never work out and he didn’t want to lose me. So I stayed. Basically told him I would take what I could get. After a year and a half of him choosing her over me regularly, he came to me and said it was over with them , he only ever wanted me, and that was that. He moved in. I was over the moon happy – I finally had a commitment! Once we lived together is when the raging started. Anytime he didn’t come home from work until midnight or after (he got out at 5:00), I would ask where he had been and he would flip out and accuse me of sabotaging the relationship. I continued to check his phone regularly, and discovered several other women he would sleep with, but he wasn’t dating them. And I justified it all by thinking that I wanted him so badly, and he came home to me every night, so it wasn’t that big a deal. But it was. And i resented him. And I bought us a house that he never paid a dollar to help with. No bills either. I paid for everything. I would confront him about cheating, and he would say that it was because I made him so unhappy. So I would try harder to remind him why I was his favorite. But I would only make him more upset, so he would go silent for days or sometimes weeks, while still living in my house. He would have me sleep on the couch. This went on for the past 8 years. He left me in June after accusing me of cheating and being a pathological liar. Then for the next three months he called and texted everyday begging me to convince him to come back, but no matter what I said or did, he would change the requirements. He finally showed up one night in August for “closure”. He kept telling me to say everything I wanted to say because this would be my last chance. I didn’t believe that because history had shown he would always be back. Of course, his closure came in the form of sex. So I definitely thought he’d be back. Turns out, he went back to his sister’s best friend. The one he walked out on four years ago for me. The one who found out from his sister that he’d been with me the entire time they had dated. She just took him right back. He used to tell me all the time that if something ever happened with us, he’d be able to get her back. She was in a relationship and ended it to go back to him. This is just boggling my mind! And they seem so happy. He accidentally sent me a picture of them, after which I blocked him and her and everyone who is even slightly associated with him on all forms of social media. But I am devastated. I knew there would be a new girl. But him going back to her seems like an even bigger slap in the face. I don’t want them to be happy. And I am having a really hard time accepting that it wasn’t me. I am so afraid he isn’t the horrible person I think he was, and I just expected too much of him. That she will keep him happy. I know I am not thinking rationally, but there are a million scenarios running through my head where this works out for him.

I was married 30 + years. We dated two and he was constantly breaking up with me. Then one day out of the blue he called and asked me to marry him….his dad was selling his grandmothers house and he wanted it, but his dad wouldn’t sell it to him unless he got married…he was seeing me and another girl, we thought he had broken up with the other, but he hadn’t he was still seeing her the week we got married (he told me after he asked for a divorce)…..he started wanting a divorce right after we got married, all he really wanted was his grandmother’s house…he was more physically abusive in the early years of our marriage and some after our children were in grade school….then it became more mental abuse…I didn’t see it….I always knew something wasn’t right but I always thought he had loved me and I never would have thought he would commit adultery on me…come to find out he had been through out our marriage. He was a deacon and Sunday school teacher. He told me back in Nov 2016 that he had always played mind f..ing games on me….I failed more than I passed. he said he played them on everyone…his answer and his opinion was the right answer and opinion so I was stupid and a liar. he was obsessed with face book. he had several women on there that he had been intimate with back in school and I would say he was being intimate with some (?) then as one of them put on a post of his – I love you my special friend and he told her he loved her to. but when I said something to him, he acted like I was crazy…..he would keep up with how many likes his post would get and even compare to some of the people that was friends with him, it gave him great pleasure that he got more likes than most people. His fake persona meant everything to him…and he would do anything to keep the fake life up..he asked me for a divorce back last year… I was accused of being a cyber stalker, he had access to my fb for several years which I did not know…I didn’t get on as much so I didn’t notice things, and I do not just friend anyone….there were several men I did not know that were divorced that had been friended and other people as well….I don’t know what he did while he was on my fb…he also had a fake fb account, he wanted it so he could go in and argue with people and they would not know it was him as he had his character to guard. So many times, we would be having fun, joking, laughing and then all of a sudden he would turn on me and be mad and act so ugly to me, I would cry and say we were just joking, having fun, what did I do? less than 2 mths after our divorce he got married ( I think they were married before that as she was already using his last name), on the anniversary of my dad’s death, I get a text from him, saying sorry I was f…ing with my phone and think I called you. I am so proud to call you my girl, my soon to be wife…I promise to treat you like the queen that you are…..I called him and told him he had sent a text to me that was meant for the woman that I knew about, and asked when he was getting married, he played dumb then acted like it was to me, anyway he told me later it wasn’t meant for me that he mistakenly sent it to me, which I knew it wasn’t for me and I asked why did you not tell me, he said he was afraid that I would start screaming and crying and put my job in jeopardy and I said why would I do that I don’t care if you are getting married. He didn’t mistakenly send it and yes I believe that he knew it was the anniversary of my dad’s death…..he was and is a very cruel man…..yes he had told me numerous times that he was better than me……How I wish I had left him when our children were younger……I could go on and on, but I believe you see the life I had lived….So do you think he is narcissistic? And Yes…I am so much more happier…I love myself, I am not worthless but I am somebody. I am stepping out of my comfort zone and doing things, not dating yet….have no desire for that…..I am still healing from all of this. I do want to mention this….At one point I got so low and so down in a deep dark valley, I tried to do something to myself several times…..but God reached down and pulled me up out of the darkness and set me on my feet and gave me a new life, a new purpose….. I see now that he always watched over me and my children and kept us safe…….

Ok so we all know we all r getting over a narc relationship so i wont go into details of mine cuz thats not my problem cuz i find it easier to move on when i know it wasnt anything i did wrong and they do this to everyone so i dont take it personal
Anyhow what my issue is i realized today is i will ALWAYS be attracted to these type of men! My body wont let me be attracted to anyone else
How do I know this u ask
Cuz i am dating a man now who is drop dead gorgeous he ticks off all the boxes of what i like in looks on a man i know thats superficial but stay with me and we all start with looks its a fact lol anywho so he is handsome in every way to me BUT i am not sexually attracted to him AT ALL! Because HE ISNT NARCISSISTIC! He is nice wants to be with me we have a good time but not over the top good time together he doesnt love bomb me or over txt me (we goes days without txting or contact) NONE of the narc traits r there he is just a normal guy and i should be so attracted to him right? RIGHT?! But i am not and i find myself forcing to have sex with him which isnt a nice feeling or avoiding it and he is ketching on
I WANT TO WANT HIM SO BAD WHAT DO I DO PLEASE HELP!!

This article was highly helpful! I recently wrote about my own experience, and found th at it was difficult to even write about. Please let me know what you think of it – https://danesterly.wordpress.com/2017/09/02/my-ex-perience-with-npd-a-real-case-study/

Hello,

I love reading different posts and stories about N’s… I find myself wondering if my ex husband was actually a N or not maybe just something else. I wonder this because I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease early last year and he helped me tremendously, “in the beginning” but, while all at the same time giving me pitty stories and constantly borrowing money from me, and not little money I’m talking a couple thousand dollars in total, maybe more, until I wised up and saw he really had no intentions on paying me back so I started to pretend broke and he bagged up off of asking and now mysteriously has money from somewhere!

In any case to shorten my story as much as possible, I was with my ex for a total of 20 years, married 12 of those years and 4 children later, he managed to turn one of our sons against me, well he favors his dad over me.. I feel like he plants stories and buys the kids as much as he can and gets in their heads.. he will do every thing for our youngest daughter but our third son he does nothing for, and that’s the one that is closets to me.. so I guess he gets the cold shoulder.. anyways, with respect to our relationship, he started out good, I had one son that was 2years old when we got together and he played daddy to him, he was so good that I fell in love with that.. I had a car, he didn’t, I had my mom get us an apartment, we lived together, he was most certainly cheating from the very beginning of the relationship but for some reason I married him anyway. he was very convincing with the apologies in the beginning but that soon tapered off, the more I forgave him the less apologies I got. I was treated so badly, one time we went to the movies and we had an argument and he actually left me and I had to walk home and let me tell you, it was not close, you had to take the freeway to the movies. he never made me feel like I came first.. I did everything for him, I cooked, wash the clothes, helped the kids with the homework etc…… the only thibg he did was went to work, ate and the gym to keep his body in shape.. I even went and had a tummy tuck to keep up with him. now he used to tease and talk about over wight people ALL THE TIME so you are going to get a kick out of the second part of my story… so he would be very cold to me, he would start arguments, he would turn the arguments around on me trying to make me think I was the one crazy.. he was really delisounal all of the pieces didn’t start to come to gether until after I finally divorced him in 2011, now even though we were divorced, of course I was still dealing with him, not leaving the door open to meet someone new, and now I sit here disabled as of last year as I stated earlier in my post and I have no relationship and he has a WONDERFUL one. although he was in this “relationship” before my disability happened to me but it is still a hard pill for me to swallow, don’t get me wrong, I don’t miss the sex, nor his atrocious breath aor mistreatment but I feel like I got dealt a bead hand.. he gets to move on to a glorious new life and so on and so forth. that’s just a VERY small piece of what I endudred, he was a habitiual liar and cheater, mentally, emotionally, spiritually bankrupt in every aspect of those realms. I was drained of all my self esteem and finances.. he was very bad at budgeting and I was the one who always had to clean up that mess… just a MESS I tell you… and I had the nerve to still let him manipulate me out of my money while DISABELED!
So he met his new love wile going to the courts to file an answer to my child support order. this girl works in the couts, as he states, she makes all this money, she has a no good baby father who was lazy and didn’t help her do anything with the son, blah, blah, blah… “story sounds familiar” but he has now taken on the role of “step dad”, washing dishes, went and bought himself a “Mercedez benz” he has become chef boy-r-d… cooking and bar-b-q-ing, something He learned from me by the way.. when she calls he answers the phone “hello beautiful”..Lol… Oh, they are out house hunting, “my daughter told me this” not that I ask anything about him or her, somethings he mentions.. but he is always braging about how she knbows all these attorneys and she is a court clerk basically all her business, and criticizes her sons father which grinds my gears.. the story is so familiar….. but he does absolutely nothing with our 14 year old son.. its sickening, but he brings our daughter back with shoes, new back packs, etc… that him and her have bought whenever she goes over there…. how sick is that… how could you not feel some type of way when you do that and I’m boggeled as to why the girlfriend does not ask about our son, what kind of woman is that? but then again there is NO telling what he ehas told the girlfriend.. I can only imagine what he has said about me because he lives in lala land and always wants to be more than what he is… sad!! but in anycase, I didn’t mention that when he describes her he makes sure to mention she is a “big” girl, I guess so I wouldn’t be sudrprised If ever I saw her! which I would care one way or the other because I’m not interested inhim in that way AT ALL.

But I just wonder if he is actually a narcissist or maybe something elese and can actually change or has changed or has he just conformed to accommodate the new situation. the sad thing about it is he is only the second relationship for her and I’m sure he is doing all the things that she claims the other guy didn’t do… but on the flip side he was exactly that with me.. its like she just got another man just like the one she is no longer with just a different face I’m almost sure.. but he was really terrible with me… I mean he would look at me so evil when we would get into it.. like he just did not like me….. hated me actually, so I’m kind of confused…..

anyways, thanks for reading..

My story is a very sad and embarrassing one. My ex narc/sociopath and I dated for a year. In the beginning he was Mr helpful, he would take care of things around my house to help and relieve my everyday stresses. He had boats and a fun lifestyle but compared to all his ex’s, I was financially secure and I didn’t need his handouts. But I appreciated his help and felt very cared for during the initial stages of the relationship. 3 months into our relationship, his ex girlfriend wrote me a letter and told me that they were still sleeping together – I was devistated and of course he told me that she was ” crazy” and only wants to break us up…. I wanted to believe him so badly and put it into the back of my mind. He continued to triangulate his ex girlfriend and I. He would manufacture arguments to just storm out of my house to go and be with her, to keep her in the loop. I would catch him red handed and he would convince me I was crazy.
After he got caught, he would just drive up my driveway and show up unannounced to try and apologize to me and convince me I saw it all the wrong way. I looked through his phone, one day and caught him again cheating. He blocked the door as I tried to leave his house to tell me I was ” crazy” and I shouldn’t look through his phone. I pushed him out of the way of the door And was able to run away and jump in my car. The police pulled me over and arrested me for assaulting him. He knows how to manipulate the police and legal system. He spent 4 years in prison for armed robbery and has had over 6 Domestic Violence arrests on his own. After my arrest he then told me that he never asked them to arrest me and that the Rules of the state are what they are. I’d never been arrested before and he was setting me up. He is a total liar. He is all about punishing. He managed to manipulate himself back into my life a month after I was arrested in November – for a few more month of hell. I was trying to move on and started traveling more for work. i finally got the courage and energy to break up with him in May and was actively trying to date, go out with friends more. and started to feel happy again. All along he never stopped texting and calling me- asking me to come over , telling me how much he missed me and loved me. He would call over 50 x’s a day. I had to block him and he was relentless with emails and calling me names and belittling me. During this time I found out he had met another woman in January and had been seeing her in Florida. I wrote this woman as his ex once wrote me. I backed up my warning about him with pictures texts and emails. I just wanted to be able to try and save her from the hell he put me through. That fell on deaf ears. The next week, after getting threatened by him for doing that, I was on a date with a new guy, he drove by this restaurant and saw my car outside, he called the police once again lied on the police report and said I had violated a No Contact order that was in place from October. The police came into the restaurant and arrested me again In front of my date. He set me up and punished me again this time for moving on from him, and trying to expose him to his new victim. He lied to the police, we had Re engaged the relationship, traveled together etc. the No Contact was about to expire in 5 days. All along he told me he had taken care of that. Being that I never had been arrested before I didn’t know how that worked, and stupidly I had trusted him. I am still dealing with the courts and trying to get my life back. So now all he does is post pictures of his new relationship on FB and tries to make it look as if he had all new friends and a great life with her, while I’m struggling to fix mine. I’m happier not with him, but he really hurt my life, my reputation and emotionally crushed me.

I’d like to share my personal story. When I was in my early 20s I met a guy, who was about my age and we hooked on.
After a few dates, we began a relationship. It continued, although he went studying abroad. We saw each other that Christmas and he even made plans to spend new year’s eve with me. However, these plans never came to being. He became silent. I tried to call him several times and he answered one my calls saying he had gotten drunk with is friends and that I was a boring person. I just called him because the new year’s eve plans were his idea, not mine.

As years went by, he tried to called me a couple times and he even invited to visit him, which, of course, I declined. About two months ago, I saw his Facebook profile and invited him to be my friend on Facebook. Nine years had passed, so I thought he had forgotten me. Big mistake!!!!! At first, it was just hi or how are you. But then, the love bombing came. I had been the only decent woman of his life…blah blah. He wanted to stay with me as he was now a different person. He would never hurt as he did in the past (now he’s in his early 30s). While I was never fully convinced, I decided to play his game. It was seeing to believe. Long hours of videocalls and loving text messages and so on. Lots of plans for the future. He even wanted me to attend a friend’s wedding, having bought the flight tickets and talked about future marriage plans. He even lectured me because I wasn’t fully convinced that he truly loved me.

After rekindling, we saw each other twice as he was working in a different city. For one month, he made plans for the weekends, but when weekends came he remained silent. He was too busy and reaching him on Facebook was getting harder. I had the feeling there was something wrong (he kept postponing the date of the supposed flight). And I was right.

By the end, he behavior was disgusting. On one Sunday, he said he missed me and I would see him soon. But, on the following Friday I saw newly posted photos on his profile that hinted that he was with another woman (she was not visible on the photos but was identified on them). I tried talking to him and he immediately blocked on Facebook, even though I never mentioned I had seen the photos. A few days later, a friend of mine told me this woman, in mid to late 40s, identified herself as being in a relationship with that piece of trash. All my friends were shocked with his behavior.