Is the Narcissist Happy Now? (A Reality Check)

When I was 25 I met my Narc age 35 who was already going through a divorce. 13 years later I am now 38 he cheated on me with a 44 year a woman older than me and I also found out through her that he got the vasectomy after me suffering from a still birth. I found out in NYE 2017 and still trying to get over him. I had to block him from all social media and my phone. with all the crazy shit he has done to me all I feel is numbed. trying my best to move on.

I met my ex narc on a dating site 6 years ago. I was attracted instantly to his profile picture. We chatted for 2 weeks before we actually met in person. I did however ask him if the photo of him was recent he said it was 6 months old. (First lie)
The day finally came and I was nervous as hell, I have never met anyone from a dating site before, but I was also excited. I opened the door and there he was looking about 10 years older and larger in size than his photo. I just wanted to vomit.

He definitely wasn’t my type. I thought to myself, just go with the flow, get out of the house, give the man a chance and try have a good night.
We ended up getting along really well. He knew exactly what I wanted to hear. He was a real gentleman. So I decided to put my feelings about him to the side and take a day at a time.

Two years down and we were practically living together. I could see that he had massive insecurity issues and he liked to control me. I didn’t think much of it because before him my ex husband of 28 years was exactly the same, so to me it was familiar. I didn’t let him get away with it all the time, the times I was annoyed by that behaviour he would turn on me and make everything out to be my fault. He would start an argument if he saw me talking to people or on the phone with my children or friends.
I lost all my friends and most of my family members because of him. They all started to see through him except for me.
I continually stuck up for him. Went against everybody that would talk bad about him. I was in love him at this point.

After my father passed away, I noticed this massive change in him. It was almost as though he was grieving. He was continually starting arguments with me. I couldn’t have an opinion and whenever I did he would storm of not be seen or heard from for 2 weeks.
Then the hoovering started, I’d get a msg “Hi, thinking of you, hope you’re well”. I’d feel bad and reply, still unaware what he was up too.

This went on and on for another 3 years. I would get blamed for everything. I was the one always apologising. I was the one that was putting in the effort to make it work. But it made no difference to him.

I then decided to dig a little and came across numerous conversations with woman from 8 different dating sites.
He had been sourcing different prostitute locations. He had been on many dates. Slept with quite a few of these woman. He, had excuse after excuse for not be able to spent time with me anymore. Too busy with work, building my mates car. Can’t leave my 16 year old daughter at home with my dying mother. The list goes on.
He recently told me he was going interstate for work. I found out he was still at home and dating a few different woman.

I asked to talk to him. He said he’d meet up with me. So, when I met him he lied about everything I put in front of him. He bought up things that happened 5 years ago. Twisted the stories to suit himself. Made me look like I was crazy and forgot everything.
He couldn’t look me in the eyes. Lie after lie after lie. He thinks I’m stupid.

This disgusting piece of shit of a man He has never apologised for anything nor has he acknowledged what he has done to me. If I was to write everything that he put me through. I would be here for the next 3 days.

The fact that I wasted another 6 years of my life on an animal that never even loved me to begin with, has destroyed me, my confidence, my self esteem. I won’t be able to trust another man again.
2 failed relationships, both cheated, both narcissists. Great life
I am going to get through this one way or another.
I have picked myself up once before and am determined to do it again.
No one is worth the tears and heart ache.
Good luck to the new victims. I wish them well.

Why do men or narcissist would date a young woman?

I am here thinking about my ex even thought as you say I shouldnt give a shit!! because he was shit, I recently found out he is dating a 19year old girl he is 37!! he can be her father I don’t know why I am mad I know I don’t want to be with him but I can’t help it. I know she is just another victim who he is manipulating he cant with a woman his age therefore he has to look for young and naïve.

Hello Zari, and thank you your most comprehensive insightful posts on this topic.
I married my first husband after a long distance relationship in which I dismissed some “red flags” because I thought I would be criticised for being “oversensitive”/”making a mountain out of a molehill” His job meant he worked away so for the first 4 years we were married I saw very little of him. I asked him to change his job so we could be together more. He did, and that’s when I began to see him for what he really was. He was moody and uncommunicative, prone to “stonewalling”, subtley chipped away at my self-esteem, manipulated me, said hurtful things etc. I realised I din’t know this man at all.
After 2 years I knew I couldn’t take it much longer and told him he would have to change and “step up to the plate”. His response was to start an affair and I divorced him.
Finally, he married his affair partner and they have been together 20 years. Your post says that usually these people don’t change, and I believe that.
However, I am curious to know what it is about her that enables her to stay in that marriage to him without being psychologically destroyed?

This is a wonderful article but i wish i could believe it is true. I spent 22 years with my husband and he left me and came back to me over and over for 16 years. This time Im done because I cant take it anymore. He has been gone since June. He lied and played so many games w me after he left. We are no contact. I have him blocked and the only thing he can do is leave a voicemail. I left that open because we have children. He leaves me a voicemail about once a week. He is with a woman 13 years younger than him and it seems like he loves her so much. Ive read it a thousand times but I just cannot stop my mind from thinking how can he love her and he couldnt love me or his children? Why cant i believe what i read? I wish i could see it all play out and know for sure. How do we stop our minds from thinking about them all the time?

I’ve read a ton on narcissism and this article is the closest to bang on as I’ve seen. The narc and I were married for 24 1/2 years(still waiting on divorce papers 2 1/2 years later) when he told me he was leaving me. I just had a gut feeling there was another woman. I later found out from my son that this was probably not his first affair. He is still with her. She is 15 years younger than him. He said she stroked his ego. He also tried to blame me for him leaving. No apology. I’ve gone 99% no contact. Only emails to do with our teenage daughters. Still recovering but so very thankful that he is no longer in my life. Getting stronger every day. Thank you for this article.