Is the Narcissist Happy Now? (A Reality Check)

Dear Ms. Zari, I cannot thank you enough for all your hard work. You, and Ms. Saeed, have both literally and figuratively saved my life while I’ve been stumbling through the aftermath of My Very Own Little Narcissist’s wake.

As a Christian, I’ve been struggling how to deal with all of this Ugly. And oh Laawdy, it been Ugly.

I’ve Googled the shit out of everything “Narcissist,” desperately trying to make sense of it all. Believe me, I’ve read everything you, Ms. Saeed, and even f’n “Tudor” (if that is his real name, LOL) have to say about my “experience.” I’ve searched the Bible back and forth, trying to understand if my fallacy is that I am failing to “forgive” and just “get the F over it,” like everybody around me has babbled about.

But, do ya know? I had an amazing dream last night. (By the way, I do not sleep much, well, or often. But I actually slept last night, for the first time in months.) I dreamed that Satan was in my room. (Insert “Holy shnickeys!” as will.) Yep, My Little Narcissist was back (again!) in my room. My bed. Infesting, infecting my life. But… this time, instead of wishing that mothertrucker dead (which I’ve been struggling with for the last few weeks now, in my “recovering” steps, believe me I wanted him DEAD, hopefully long-term and painfully-so,) I decided (BRACE YOURSELVES!)–
Imma be so polite to this bastard.
Imma retain my dignity, God bless.
Imma be so kind to this f***er… while I tell him to get the f*** out of my life once and for all.
I am NOT going to react to such trash and filth with the same level of debasement with which he abused me.

BLAM.

And, in my dream, he finally walked out of my room. (Insert gasps of shock and awe.) He finally walked out of my room, without yelling or screaming or throwing shit at me or my having to call the cops. Like he always used do, like I put up with, before. He finally walked the fuck out of my room, because Jesus (in the Bible) gave me that power to command over him. He cannot touch a hair on my head.

And I woke up, for the first time, feeling free, this morning.

My point is, my dear Sister, that I (for myself) finally realized, that I now believe that I was given the most amazing gift from God– to have experienced and witnessed such Evil, who are these N-creatures roaming to and fro on this planet… and I chose to be, to become, greater than that. To stay in The Light.

Because of My Little Piggy, while he infested my life and inflicted such abuse onto me, I realized how much greater I am now, have always been (just hadn’t realized yet,) how much greater “we” (thee and me) are, to have lived to tell. And to have become better, stronger, more loving people than before some N-word tried to strip it down. Fuck that.

By the way, My Piggy liked to use my Christianity against me. That was the worst of all. He used my God to get into my mind. That’s despicable, and certainly unforgivable. Like you wrote in one of your statements– Imma leave “forgiveness” for the Higher-Ups. I don’t need to “forgive” in order to heal and surpass.

The last thing I said to Piggy (before my No Contact, before his endless Discards– and yes, I keep blocking dozens upon dozens of “new” cell numbers, haha) was– “Jesus told the Pharisees– ‘You truly are of your father, the Devil.’ You are a child of Satan. Leave me be, and do not infect any more lives of us, the children of Light.”

Nuff said.

Narcs are the biological emobodiment of Evil.
I firmly believe that they are not even of the same species as humans. They may well biologically be human, but, on the bigger, grander scale, they are not even people.
This is a Spiritual Battle that we, my dear Sister, witness. …and do win, in the end. And we are blessed, that our eyes are opened.

“Thank you, Ms. Zari” doesn’t even begin to cover how much I appreciate all your hard work. You are a hard-working Angel, and I wanted you to know that all your hard work has not gone unrecognized. We appreciate you. Please keep it up– I will read online.

With much love and respect,

xLV

Thank you for your wisdom, Zari. I’ll continue reading the other posts because it does help to know I am not the only one. When I saw the narcissistic flip the first time, I should have run.

William Mathieu, thank you for your share because it resonated so much with me.

Hello Olivia. My name is William and I also was a victim as yourself. I also struggled with the same desire,( wanting an apology ) knowing truthfully that it will never come. For me dear women, I discovered that it was prides desire to want this to happen. After all I got sucked in and played. Deceived ( which does hurt the pride of many of us ). We hurt ourselves by thinking that we where to stupid not to see through the many masks these people wear. Try to look at it Olivia from a different way. Pride, .most of the time is vain and has no constructive values. Your narc still has control over you because of you. They see this and relish in it. What needed to happen to me was TOTALLY letting go. That person may not be in your life in way of a relationship any more so they can’t hurt you, it is now you hurting yourself, as it was for me. Once I faced that reality, then sweet peace and freedom started coming. I Hope this helps you if you are not free by now. Your loving neighbor William

I have never told my story seeing how everyone thinks my ex so wonderful and I was so lucky to have him. Even his new girlfriend he was cheating on my with belives him that I am crazy and jealous he chose her over me. Some days I really wish I had someone to talk to because I am tired of crying and missing a man who I know isn’t really thinking about me. He has texted here or there to “apolozige” or say he misses me but when i told the new gf what he was doing all of that stopped (and yes she sitll stayed with him even though I showed her proof he was still contacting me while with her and he was cheating with her and others while with me). It just hurts so bad because he seems so happy with her now. When he didnt have much time to travel with me before he all of a sudden has time to see her weekly. He buys her gifts and takes her on trips and even though she is the opposite of everythig he told me he wanted in a woman hes all of a sudden a new man and totally committed. How can he be so nice a loving with her and act like I was so bad an evil when i did everything he ever asked and he even said i was the sweetest and most innnocent woman hes ever been with and he could never hurt me. He even told me one night i dont deserve him becasue his past was so bad and had too much ahead for myself. He is a very weathly man and had a very busy past sexual life. And yes he taught me things and we had amazing sex but even with the sex I would feel so empty after it was over. But i cant help and think about how this very expressive woman is treating him in bed. I was shy and inexperienced so I would tell myself that is why he cheated but reading this site i’m seeing narcs cheat anyway. Even with all of that i still find myself missing him and wanting him back even though i know i deserve better. he accused me of cheating and lyng when i am the most faithful and honest person. he was the constant liar, even with the smallest of lies, and cheater. he blames me for everyting and said thats why he left and wont talk to me. He still wont fully acknowledge the new woman to me which used to give me hope that it wasnt serious, but i am not crazy I know she is getting the same, no better love bombs than i did. Why is he so happy and consistent with her yet me and all of his exes have the same painful story? and will i ever break free from his hold and be able to fully move on? He discarded me after i called him out and we havent spoken in months yet the pain still feels fresh as the day i knew it was over for good (as first I wass so angry with the cheating i wasnt sad or depressed. i was angry and ready to kick him out of my life add move on. I can move on from past relatinships so easy, but this one is so hard even months later). When will i stop crying over him and why is he so happy with her? HE seems like a whole new man and has really changed and learned from him mistakes.

Your site is amazing, and that’s putting it mildly! Okay, so this Empath, who attracts Narcs like flies to “sheet,” has learned to educate/arm herself SO well against those pesky suckers, that I successfully managed to dodge the most recent attempt by one, to infiltrate my life completely. He was/is significantly younger than I, very handsome, and was adept at drawing me in, although, almost from the start I sensed something was a bit “off” and actually stepped away after a couple weeks deducing he was, in fact, a Narc. There was the love bombing which I recognized immediately and just sat back, watched, and let unfold (minus the popcorn). Yeah. I got the “I’ve never met anyone like you-you’re so beautiful, smart etc” BS lines and everything else a Narc throws out to try and ensnare. The only thing though, is that I think he recognized I was not only very astute, but also too strong to fall for much. I have my “sheet” together, so I’m guessing I was a pretty solid source of supply. I’d told him everything bad that had every happened to me (I NEVER gave details about past trauma in my life because Narcs LOVE to use that crap against you down the road), I’d dealt w/via therapy. I’d put a break-up from six months prior into a healthy perspective w/my therapist, girlfriends, family and a crap-ton of Internet articles. I told him the only real stressor in my life at times, was my job. His life though? Holy balls! He’s a walking train wreck! A divorce from, of course, a CRAZY ex, a young daughter, a break-up w/a 2-year girlfriend who was a THERAPIST who he came home to one day and was packing her bags to leave. (YAY for her!) Oh! And that was one of his “feel sorry for me” lines at the beginning; “everyone leaves me!” I listened to it all, felt badly when he told me he’d been rejected from attending the NY State Trooper Academy (Of COURSE it was the inept background examiners fault he didn’t get in!) :::insert eyeball roll here::: and I did my best to be kind because yeah. He “seemed” like a nice guy who maaaayyyybe did just have a run of bad luck. But, again, my 6th sense kicked-in, and I pulled away for like…a minute. Well, then I chose to see if I was just reading him wrong and if him being a Cancer (yeah…not a lotta clout in Zodiac crap, but perhaps a kernel of truth) and he “fit” the Cancer sign to a T. So I let him back in. We text ALL the time, and actually work on the same installation, so we saw each other quite a bit. I had him to my house for dinner, then I “had” him. And not long after that, the (very subtle) devaluation started. So I pulled-away again. I never wanted a real relationship with him, but did enjoy hanging out w/him on the few occasions we did. Besides, I was pretty certain he was a Narc, and because of my desire to only keep it physical with friendship, it worked for me. Buuutttt…I’m an Empath, and even though I consider myself a strong woman, my emotions started to kick in, and that’s where his devaluation really started. We only had sex twice in the two months we knew each other, and the second time was more than three weeks ago. He pushed me away because he said “his therapist girlfriend left him only five months prior” and he was still “wrapping his head around that.” So, I kept my distance, but we still text on a friendly basis w/me sending the “how are you doing texts” and “I’m here if you need to talk” texts. (Sheez…please just shoot me now for my compassionate stupidity!) Apparently, the only thing he was “wrapping his head around” was some new source of supply because after a weekend visit w/my Dad, he let me know that he’d met this “amazing” woman he knew from the gym three years ago and was someone he spent time w/when he was separated from his (now) ex wife. He told me they had “so much in common” and “finished each other’s sentences” and “was a very kind/old soul-“just like YOU!” He even went on to say being with her was like “being with you-one in the same!” (I seriously almost barfed!), but I gotta admit, I was not happy about his news. So I told him he had no business dating anyone w/his child support and custody hearing going on, and he got PISSED! “YOU have no business telling me what to do!” Um, yeah, okay, but sheez. Can’t a girl get a little bit of compassion? Nope. There was no, “Thank you for always being there for me, for the legal advice from your cousin, for the book you gave my daughter, for your time, for being such a good friend, etc.” Yeah. Not one, single “thank you” or “gee…you’re swell!” Not a single BIT of compassion or empathy, and I was NOT happy! So I text him back what I was feeling and yeah. He didn’t care. I told him, “Don’t hurt her,” to which he responded, “Oh I won’t. We’re good,” to which I text “For now.” Aaaand, right on cue, the Narcissistic rage began, and I was denigrated and then BAM! Blocked! But that’s okay because I blocked his number as well, given I am very certain once he runs through all the Narc phases with her, he’ll try and initiate contact again. We are also bound to run into one another again as we go to the same gym, work on the same base, and we see each other almost every day. I know I will be ignored or he’ll try and run me over in the crosswalk again. Anyway, I haven’t shed any tears about him not being in my life because I did my homework after the last Narc flew into my life, and I think I’m seriously mentally armed enough with all the reading and homework I’ve done about Narcs, to keep it from happening again. (Maybe) They’re SO tough to handle emotionally if you’re an Empath because their stories are always so sad and, as any Empath will tell you, you just want to help them like you’d help a stray dog. You almost can’t help yourself! I’m still learning-still growing and still arming myself to the hilt to keep this from happening AGAIN. I think/hope I’ll be stronger if it DOES happen again, and I can step away and STAY away when my gut instinct starts screaming at me!! (If not, someone please come and kick me square in the arse!)

Ok. So he was finally confronted with me and the other woman. She’s no better off i know this. She is there to look pretty, look after their baby and help
Him pay for his house. He’s been complaining about
Not being able to afford it even though he makes twice what I do and I afford my own home. His cocaine addiction may have something to do with it. She seems like a nice lady too how can she move her children in with a coke Addict??? I mean I didn’t know for years but living with him how do you not see it? He shouldn’t be broke?!!

Anyway. Here is my problem in a nutshell. I still yearn for him to
Be contrite. About his behaviour to me. I want an apology. I want him to realize I was worthy )I shouldn’t care I KNOW) and I want him to apologize.

Why do I want this thing that will never happen? I don’t want him. Why do I still need that particular validation that I’m a worthy woman??? He’s a POS. And he will destroy the new girl. She’s in for a decade of horror. This need of mine will never come and even if it does it will only be because he Wants something. So why does it matter to me and how to I get over it.