To Male Victims of Female Narcissistic Partners

Wow! I have read article after article about how male narcissist take over and abuse the woman they have targeted. Not many at all about the narcissist female. I know myself there are really good, loving, faithful, relationship minded females.
The male takes a bad relationships and puts it on himself and must suck it up, change what is wrong with himself and moves on with out complaint. And does not tell his story for the fact that it was his fault. That is how I felt for the last 6 years that I and the narcissist female have been divorced. On top of that I received primary custody of our two daughters a year after the divorce. CPS wanted a no contact with her until she had gone to see and gotten help with all she was asked to by CPS. To this day she has not lifted a finger to help herself. I didn’t know what CPS was wanting her to do, I was just happy to get my daughters out of the mess they were in. To make a long story short. Yes it started out as a great relationship back in year 2000. She had a daughter from a previous relationship and took her in as my own when she asked me to be her father. She started calling me dad. I excitedly accepted to do just that. Mom was not pleased with that what so ever. I thought that the relationship was going great. Bought a house get married and planned on having children of Our Own. I thought that was what we both wanted. That was not in her plans. I built an addition in the house for the two more girls we had. Bought the suburban for their transportation needs. I bought a gas economic little car for the back and forth to work. After the 1st daughter (the little girl that wanted to call me dad) moved out to be with her boyfriend. All hell started breaking lose. She went through alcohol and drug addiction. Her family and I trying to get her help. Nothing in that department. It was all my fault that this was happening. I was abusive and emotionally destroying her. She had her family (the flying monkey) convinced that it was me bringing all this about. A restraining order did her job quite well. Her family and I was not putting the puzzle pieces together yet. A divorce and a year gone by. She fell victim to another man’s abusive behavior. Will somethings started adding up with her family now. They got together for a family meeting with out her. And things started to make since with them now. After having my daughters for a year. Listening to the stories of their hell, her family went to the no contact with her and started their recovery. I alowed her to see the girls on supervised visits a hand full of times. After all she is mom and I respected that. In a discussion with her after meeting for her to see the daughters, something snapped in me. The Light bolb gotten really bright. Lol started some research and figured out why CPS didn’t want us to be around her. I’m happy to say that the girls have went no contact with her for about a year now and are really improving on their happiness and out look on life, just being healthy girls. About 4 months ago I went no contact with her for the fact that I was hearing the same things over and over. How it was the family and I that was at fault and she could do no wrong to anyone.
I left a lot of details out to make this short and that I’m sure a lot of people,( you guys and gals) know what the family, my daughters and I went through.
Still a long recovery from something that took so little over a long period of time to destroy. Looking back with the reading and research I have done, I see the male and female narcissists in life that I have been friends with. I am so thankful that I or my daughters was not losing our minds and we are on the road back to healthiness.
Now that the reading and research has been done abut the male and female narcissists, the better half of the relationship can move on and spot the ugliness. To find a great person for a great relationship, and life to continue. I myself, is to the pint that I have to drag myself out of the hole and find women to converse with and start healthy relationship with. I had a couple of dates here and there. And one relationship that I sabotage, because I felt that I had not workout things in myself that caused the last severely damaged relationship and didn’t want to take my daughters down that path again. She was a good one. My point in this! now I know with the reading, research and remembering. I can start looking for that good female, woman to have a relationship with. There are good women out there. I still need a lot of help getting out of this hole and pretty sure that other good men that went through this feel the same.
Zari! thank you! This article hit home. I did a lot of reading about the male narcissist and just replaced the he for she in everything I read. The male narcissist is a little different in ways, but the basic of the narcissists are the same. The blame, flying monkeys, the poor me thing, the stealing of one’s self worth and it happens so little over a long period of time. Thank you again for there is good women and men there that have been through this and someone out there good for us.
Thank you. Marcus

I randomly met my lady (with her daughter) at a coffee shop a year ago. She was the most beautiful woman I had seen… Very quiet and somewhat shy single mother of two. Before I had left she had approached me asking about good neighbourhoods as she had just moved to town. The discussing led to me giving out my number. Things moved forward quickly to where she mentioned things were not moving fast enough. She asked about interests in marriage and adoption of kids by the second date. Fast forward and she dropped off when we were to spend a weekend together with her kids and family. She broke up with me soon after.

A month later she reached and asked me to go with her and her kids to a fair,of which I did. Things began to move forward but then the non-responses to texts and backing out of plans. She then asked me to come out for family photos of which I partook. She then expressed interest which confused me but I had developed significant interest again. We talked and she mentioned she was in a dating site but wanted to try again with me. Unfortunately she posted family pictures to her dating profile (ones without my face in them) Upon seeing the photos I called off any sort of follow up to furthering our relationship. She responded by saying she decided that she was calling it quits the day before (I think this was a control thing).

Unfortunately I struggled to stop thinking about her over the course of the five months because I really liked her and felt we had a strong connection. For the next five months there was no contact until she emailed me a random link. Two weeks later she did it again at which point I reached out. We began seeing each other again but we both mentored that we were dating but nothing serious. She came onto me again and this accelerated between us until I learned she was seeing an old friend she had grown up with. She made numerous claims that they were just friends until I very recently stopped by her place last Saturday afternoon . She was in unusually great spirits and get house was immaculate compared to its usual condition. Just after I arrived her “friend” walked in the door and I politely left. Later that evening I had dropped off some of the kids toys I had at her front door. Almost all of the lights in the house were off but his vehicle was still parked out front. I sent a strong message of my disappointment then blocked all communication avenues following. The funny part to me is that only the day before she was kissing me passionately and wanted to have sex only days before (which we didn’t )

I will say that I am hurt as it was recent but this will not have any effect on her. I do not expect to hear back from her although friends say otherwise. I know I am in a weak position currently because I certainly do not want to ensure such an up and down relationship again but there is an incredibly strong pull at the moment that if she showed up at my door that I may have difficulty not giving into an”explanation of things.”

I am open to any comments and suggestions.

Mark

My story is too long and i should have listened to my gut instinct. I was warned by everybody but paid no attention to them. I gave her a clean slate to draw out her own character with her actions. Instead of looking at just her actions i help paint by fixing this or that by making excuses for her behavior. Fuck her in the fucking face. Im tired of thinking about all i did for that selfish cunt. Hope she dies alone and misetable

Hello… My name is Dimitri and I suffer from a very high functioning form of autism (making me an easy and ideal manipulation target due to extreme loyalty and poor social skills) and I believe I’m currently the victim of a female narcissist. She’s played around with me for almost a year.. We met on tinder almost a year ago and she talked constantly to me, almost all day via text for about two weeks, and her interests were alarmingly similar to mine (I have very bizarre and unconventional interests so that made me feel extremely comfortable and attracted) and it was almost like having a female version of myself. She suggested that we meet up so I drove a pretty good distance and I just got on so well with her. I swear she sensed low self-esteem, trust issues, and a bunch of other issues that I have that she could use to her advantage. Over the next few weeks she strategically gained my trust (a difficult thing to do so I feel like she felt extremely rewarded when she finally got it) and got me to talk about all sorts of things and give away information that could be easily used for gaslighting later down the road. I was just MADLY infatuated with her and she first she reciprocated.. She had me telling her some very embarrassing facts about myself and traumatic experiences (ironically a few of being manipulated before). She told me she was an “open book” and felt like she could be completely vulnerable around me and was telling me (probably false) stories about similar experiences she was put through to further gain my trust. Then she started distancing herself. Making excuses like she was busy, etc. Fast forward a few weeks and she just cuts me off. I text and call and get nothing. Start wondering what I did wrong and completely lose it mentally as I had become dependent on her attention. Right as I get over her about A month later we start to talk again… And of course I come crawling back into her life asking what I did wrong. We get back to the usual routine of her grooming me up and then giving me the silent treatment a few times. I just got involved yet again… And finally figured out what she was doing. I find out she’s pitting some random guy on campus against me, showing him carefully manufactured words of mine from the last silent treatment to make me look like a crazy stalker (without my knowledge). So as I leave her dorm he approaches me and threatens me and told me to leave her alone or there would be problems… and then when I text her she claims HE’S her stalker, and he must have gotten jealous seeing me leave her dorm. I had a really bad feeling about this and eventually got her to admit she had NPD and was drawn to me because of some similar tendencies of AS and NPD and she thinks I can change her etc. And she goes on to list a few similar symptoms and say “see? We’re not that different.” but I have a really terrible feeling about what’s going to happen next… I found this article and it really resonated but I’m honestly fearful of whatever she has in store. I’m not sure what to do because she has information I can’t have spread about me and I know she can blackmail me. I can’t cut her off completely because I know she’ll gaslight me even more.. She’s gotten me to act in really irrational ways that I normally wouldn’t act. I trusted her with so much and I feel like a real idiot and I have no idea what to do from here. And nobody would ever believe my side because I’m a bit of an Eccentric estranged loner by nature and she’s an attractive woman who can easily play the victim and get tons of people on her side. I’m starting to see suicide as the only escape. I feel like she’s going to tear my whole life down soon, get me kicked from college and maybe even in legal trouble. She’s starting to make me feel as if I’ve lost my mind completely and I feel like I can’t trust my senses or feelings. I think back on everything that’s been said and done, that I thought nothing of at the time but when it’s put together right with her clever tricks makes me look absolutely horrible. Does anybody have any advice on what I can do from here? Do I inevitably have to suffer the final result of her discard? I’ve waltzed right into her trap and I feel helpless and stuck.

I enjoy reading from your site, I’m a male and evil is how i explained my ex narcissist. It’s been a horrible time but , I’ve been no contact but yet she’s in my head everyday…i would never be with her NEVER i just want her out of my head!!

I had met my narc when I was in high school. She was my best friend’s sister. I was totally smitten when I first saw her. I never thought of asking her out for 3 reasons: She was my best friend’s sister, she was preppy(I was a long haired rocker) and she was 19 and I was seventeen. Fast forward 23 years. She was married with 4 children. Her husband had a successful career at a commercial real estate company. I would see her around now and then because we had mutual friends in the area. One night at a restaurant, I saw her and began to talk to her about how I never had the nerve to approach her when I was in high school. As the night went on, she had a few too many drinks. I was concerned for her, so I offered to follow her home. As we pulled in her driveway, she jumped in my car and proceeded to kiss me passionately. I knew it was wrong, but I had such strong feelings for. We ended up having intercourse in my car, while her four children were in the house. I’m not sure where her husband was. We started an affair. I thought she really loved me. I was ok not being with her, because of her kids. They needed their parents. Several years later her husband was diagnosed with cancer. He passed away 2 years ago. Since then, she told me he was abusive to her. He had told her he would plant drugs in her car when she took her kids to school. He told her not to speak when they were out at company functions or with other couples. He left her plenty of money, so she and the children could be secure. So I assumed because of the length of time we were together she really loved me. Boy, was I wrong. She has a house in Florida and would go there during the winter months to escape the cold here. That’s when all of this started. She was hanging out with people who have boats and lots of money. And lots of plastic surgery. She cheated on me with some guy. I was devastated. I was always kind and compassionate because of the way her husband treated her. I took her back but my self esteem was rattled. I was going through some professional difficulties with a partnership I was in. So instead of being supportive, she acted like everything was my fault because I did NOT agree with one of my partners using his position to sleep with our underage employees. I left that situation and was not employed for a couple of months. Because of this, I couldn’t take her everywhere she wanted and do everything she wanted. She asked me this past summer to house sit for her when she went to the beach for a month. I discovered she was on a dating site. I called her and confronted her about it. She told me she was not with me and could do what she wanted. At that point I left the key to her house on the kitchen table and left. She sucked me back in, in the fall, sending me a text she was so sorry and wanted to be with me. Then the holidays came. Her kids come home from across the country and she will not acknowledge me to them. I guess because she cheated on their father with me. I could kind of understand that. But they are adults. So January rolls around and she leaves again. The night before she left, I had spent the night at her place, kissed her goodbye in the morning and went to work. I called her three weeks ago and she told me that she wanted nothing to do with me because “I don’t have a pot to piss in” and “she is accustomed to certain lifestyle that I couldn’t afford” and “she only used me for sex.” Wow. I was crushed. I doubted my worth and relevance in the world. Not being understand how someone I loved could do this to me, I started investigating why someone who tells you they love could do this. I found out. I’m on the road to recovery. She is still in Florida, but I’m sure when she gets back she will try to retaliate because I have gone total no contact. Stay strong people. Don’t give the narcs the power. And thank you, Zari. I appreciate the work you and others do. I would have never known of this if this didn’t happen to me. I’ll be more cautious in the future.

Peace and Happiness

Why did I not find this site 6 years ago?