A Narcissist Always Returns (The Hoovering)

Hi
I am glad that I found your website. Reading all the stories from other women does make me feel a bit better.
I just broke up with my ex a month ago, or should I say he broke up with me. Either way, I been feeling really depressed, it’s not like a normal break up.
Long short story. I met my ex over a year ago from a dating site. We went on dates and really had fun together , 4 months later he said he wanted to be with me and wanted to have a relationship with me. I was extremely happy cuz I really liked him at that time. Then out of no where fights started. First fight was I nagged him a little bit about he was running late for work ( I am kinda a freak about being on time lol). And he started lashing out on how I judged him and his goal in life. I was like huh I didnt mean it like that. And from that, he went on to some swimsuit pics I tooked from vacation and posted on facebook. He said I was seeking for attentions from other guys , it was inappropriate when I have a bf. Anyway we made up after that fight.. But things didn’t go well from there. One day out of no where he asked about my past, I didn’t want to answer him that and he just assumed my number was too high. I almost broke up with him that day, then he came back apologize sincerely for that so I took him back. I never thought my past would be a problem for the relationship as I loved him very much and wanted to be with him. But he seemed cannot let it go, he kept trying to dig up my past, asked why I did this why I did that. He went on my facebook pics, stalked and gave me shit about guys compliments on my pics, asking why I felt the need to let guys compliment me. I told him I couldnt control what people want to say on my fb, its not like I care for them.

I always felt something wrong in our relationship. At first I thought it was the communication problem as I am Vietnamese and he is American. I asked him to be patient with me a bit because I cannot feel the language like he does.I didn’t really know why but i felt it extremely difficult for me to voice my opinion to him without him getting mad or trying to get me agree with his opinion. I always had this feeling that he was not really himself when he was with me, like he was always in posturing or something. Something about his attitude, his gesture. Sometimes he acted like he was God’s gift and knew everything, but sometimes when he got jealous and questioned me, I questioned in my head “why he has to get that jealous while he seemed so confident?”…Every time we had fights he blamed it on me for his unstable emotions.
Things kept being like that, up and down like a roller coaster, he just picked up the fight without thinking it would affect the relationship.
What pushed me over the edge was he found my myspace online with my pic wearing bikini, which I didnt log in for like 4 years. And then the same stupid fight started all over again. He said really mean things like I like to flash my body to other guys , good luck with finding guys that is ok with that bla bla…I got hurt really bad and decided to let go. How would it feel if the bf said things like that? I felt like I couldn’t make him happy no matter how hard i tried. When I told him I wanted to give up, he got upset , then apologized and promised to change. I gave in a little bit, and I told him this stupid had to stop because this was turning into an abusive relationship. The next day he got cold feet, he said he dont know what to do. He asked me why I want to be with him still even though I said he was abusive. I got mad at him, saying I dont want to be with someone who doesnt know what to do in a relationship. I went home, a week later he texted me asking to meet up. He admitted that it was his insecurity that caused all the jealousy. I told him I was with him for the whole year, I knew that he was. He said he wanted to work on things, But one minute I got panic thinking he might change his mind again, so i told him i love him still but not in love with him. All the talk he did caused a big damage in my head, I felt I was just like an attention whore, I even felt losing sexual desire. But I agreed to give in. We talked a bit more ,we even planned for another date to work things out. We hugged and kissed good bye. He took me back to my place. The next morning I got an email from him saying he cant work on things since I lost love and passion for him. I was like wtf, I agreed with him to work on things and he just disappeared like that, via an email.
I haven’t talked to him for a month, he deleted me of facebook, then blocked me, unblocked me a week later and blocked again. I never tried to talk to him or anything.
It’s been a month and i still feel depressed, I remember once he told me he had to go see therapist for his anxiety and I found out about narcissist problem. So I read a lot of books about abusive relationship and my ex does have some traits that fit. Maybe our relationship didnt get to that severe point yet. Do you think my ex was a narcissist? Im not sure if I over reacted about his jealousy.Sorry for my English

Hi, it’s been nearly 7 month since we been apart. Was seeing a guy (who I) perceived him from the start as being “sneaky” because most short people are apparently… Both of us were really deep and did not communicate enough. I felt like there was something off and I was not getting the full him, he saw the dating app on my phone which I had used to check for him……. that’s when it all became downhill. Cut a long story short…. I somehow managed to train it into my head that this guy was out to get me, everything was matching up to the narcissist behavior, manipulative, snappy, looked down on me. But why was he telling me he loved me when he was drunk and showered me in cuddles? I am aware that if you go looking for things then you can actually make it become true even if it was not there to start with. I caught him a few times doing things he was not supposed to do ..eg.. sending pics, visiting instant hook-up apps. I gave him the option to make up his mind after this one occasion ( i caught him red handed ) to which he freely admitted. After another few incidences that he lied his way out of, although he knew I knew. I was sick and tired of all the mind games and worry, I wound up at his door screaming and shouting, I wigged out completely, accusing him of being on a hook-up site, threatened to smash his laptop if he did not let me into his history…. All the lame excuses he made to leave early after sleeping over, all the unnecessary times he changed his bed sheets, all the insecurity I felt by him was too over whelming to contain within myself.
Basically I felt guilty and he took me back, week later he wanted just to be mates… but tried to put me on the back-burner. I told him I was going to seek some medical attention regarding my mental health to see if he would admit to it, that was his last strike! Some of these things I had a primary account, how dare he let me think i’m going mad? Who does he think he is?
I knew myself I was not mentally unstable, but rather the opposite.
So what I done next…..
I imposed as him and spoke with a previous partner of his, what I found out throughout the conversation pissed me off again!
Anytime he used this hook-up site he would never put his face as display because people think it’s desperate & we have a reputation to uphold, but today it went up for everyone to see of course written a few home truths, totally exploited him, sent his dirty pics to people which he loved doing so much. Sent random guys to his moms house, broadcasted his number, arranged “group gatherings” too. I linked his facebook & a few other social apps. He might have called the police on me but, yeah, the feeling of sheer panic I sensed from him over 6 mile away was amazing. His parents think he is so angelic, they forgot to teach him about being considerate of other peoples feelings. That was my goal.
I’m not a bad person, just don’t like small guys who think they can walk all over people.

He carried all the traits of narcissist
Will he be back for me?

My last three years have been a complete nightmare. I met my narcissist three years ago, and everything was great at the beginning. I am older then he is, so I would excuse all his wrong doings to his maturity level. After 8 months he proposed for the first time. He dumped me 3 months later. He showed up at my sons basketball game 4 months later. I took him back until he dumped me again 9 months later. When I was finally starting my life again- he starts emailing me and telling me how he missed me. I took him back shortly after. He would start of very caring and slowly work his anger outbursts into the relationship. He grabbed me by my neck when we were vacationing in key west- all in front of my 9 year old son. A week later he tells me he had joined AA because he can’t control his drinking and gets a huge tattoo of my name on his leg. I was so naive to think that the lack of alcohol was going to change his ways – but it didn’t. Several months later he proposed again. I said yes, but that only lasted 3 months. He broke off the engagement. He was going to his AA meetings to meet women. At the end, he told me he had cheated on me with 5 different women. My son later told me how he would see him chugging cough syrup in his car . He once had 4 red cough syrups at once.
It has been 3 months since we broke up, and it has been a roller coaster ride of emotions for my son and I. I feel so guilty that my son had to go thru that with me.
I changed my number and has blocked all his email addresses. I have done the same to my sons phone. Yesterday I received a No Caller ID call and I felt nauseous to think it was probably him. I just hope to God he stays away.

Hi,
My partner left me 6 weeks ago. I’d been in a relationship for four years with him and he lived with me for two years.
Time and time again he would leave me, I’ll admit that I always wanted him back. He became more and more angry in the relationship. I felt I couldn’t discuss anything with him, like if I wasn’t happy about something within seconds, minutes he would get angry and try to leave the room! If I tried to stop him or reason with him he would say I was blocking his path or push me away physically. Then he’d leave and sleep in his van all night. He’d block me on his phone and not contact me until he following day. Since July 2014 he left me 5 times. Each time he left me devastated. I know I took him back, somehow he would be back in my life. For the last 3 years of the relationship ive been an absolute wreck, I have my own furniture business which I have recently tried to expand but I’m finding it difficult to motivate myself. He always cut me off? Blanked me if he wasn’t happy with me, this would make me so upset, the more upset I got the more he pushed me away, he could easily walk away and see me in a heap on the floor. WHY, why did I allow this. On one side he was the most gorgeous person to look at and be with and had many, many qualities but then he did this. I still blame myself, i should have just let him go and not come back. The last time he left is when I was at work, he took a few clothes and his mountain bikes. I did in the end reluctantly pack all his things and left them at my workplace so he could collect (he had a key)
He hasn’t called once since but sent the odd text only regarding keys etc. He told me he’d send an email explaining why he left. I haven’t received it yet.
X

This was a good read. I knew nothing about Narcissist until about 2 days before I was D&D by mines. We dated 5 years ago but it wasnt serious. He is long term militery so he left the country and came back last summer so this past March we decided to date and see how things would go. A week into it I knew something was off with him. I couldnt put my finger on it. He was VERY insecure always wanted to know about my ex partners their size of their penis was I the best he ever had. He would ask me about a random guy that would be on TV and if I said the guy was hot he would get mad. So honestly I thought it was just PTSD or depression. He was very High and Low. He is almost 40 and the longest relationship he had was 2 years that was a BIG RED flag for me.But I continued to date this FINE man that literally works out twice a 7 days a week. As the relationship continued he became meanier and meanier by the day nothing I did was ever good enough the things he once liked about was now an issue for him. So I guess the reason I was discarded was because he had asked me previosly to get a tongue ring I explained to him I couldnt because of my job and most recently and I thought he was joking he wanted me to perform oral on another man video tape and and send it to him. I Laughed it off at first until he became very angrry and a look came over his face. He was VERY SERIOUS and he told me if I didnt do it I would be cut off. I brushed it off the very next week he bought it back up and I declined which cause him to go off and talk down to me call me stupid. I agreed to it just to calm the beast in him. The next day I sent him a lonnnnnng text about how I knew he had mental issue’s and he was aDr Jekelly and Mr Hyde. But I told him I wanted to help him through whatever he was dealing with. He text back and told me he would reply to my text when he got off from work. I never heard from him until the next day I asked him what happneed to him responding back thats when the discard happened. He sent a text saying he thinks I should move on im a good catch but we’re wired different. I wasn surprised because I realize now I was getting to close to figuring him out and he wasnt having it. It hasnt been a week yet but he pretty much ignored all my text except about him returning my belongs which he’s suppose to do this week. He hasnt unfriended me on Fb and he still has pics of us together on his FB. Im trying to figure out if he planning to try to come back and is him keeping me as his friend on FB is a way to keep tabs on my life. I TRULY THANK GOD I FOUND ALL THIS OUT BEFORE i invested anymore time. I still pray for him because these people are very sick!!!!!

Zari help. I tried to do the no contact but I work with him and he owes me money and some personal effects. So I emailed him and we got into a sparring match. I was so enpowered by anger to say whats on my mind. Then he came to my office, He didnt get my last email. And we had it out again. Blaming me for the reason he cheated, I wasn’t giving him what he needed. I told him again what i feel. So he left and replied to my email. Said some nice and some hurtful things. and then came around to my office again. But I was on the phone with a friend. Zari the thing is that there is a certain amount of attraction still. and I feel like i want to milk this till there is nothing is left. In a way I cannot stop myself.

I think I may be safe. Its been 10 months now and got through my sons volleyball season (she was his coach) and not a peep, except for a screw up on my part. Some eye contact though, but nothing. Still walking on egg shells and have become a prisoner in my community because im afraid to run into them.