Narcissists & The Silent Treatment

ive been on the journey with a narcissist. I was questioning myself after the final pschotic rage, which devastated me as there had been one only 6 before, for which I forgave as a one off.
The final rage was so outrageous, so humiliating and sadistic I was silenced on,y to slip away leaving behind belongings so as not to alert him.
It has taken me months to recover, I’m still frightened of this dangerous man. He on the other hand started a new relationship a few weeks later, he didn’t contact me to let me know “we” we’re over.
His new relationship is 6 months in, yet he’s hoovering me, even managed to uoset me accusing me of the silent treatment.
This man is in a very responsib,e executive role, he’s intelligent ? Yet he’s a petulant child at his core. Very dangerous person, no apology, no remorse, couldn’t give a damn about me. Strange controlling behaviour even down to my wardrobe. I play it safe by not encouraging the Hoover, mirror each communication and say zilch about my life. Luckily he was busy during my most vulnerable time so I got beyond the sympathy. My sympathy is for his latest conquest only.
He deserves his miserable life as he has dished it out to a number of women including his shell of an ex-wife.

I think I am getting better at noticing that someone is narcissistic. I just ended the contact I had with a guy. I met him via a datingsite and I quickly got the impression that he was rather controlling. I met him once and saw again some controlling tendencies but I did not want to pass a final judgment yet. After our first meeting he asked for a second one. I was willing to meet him again and told him but also explained to him that because of some exams I had to take it would only be possible in a couple of weeks. But I reassured him I would stay in contact by email. After that no reaction from him. And I felt that it was because I postponed a second meeting, so I felt punished. So after two weeks I contact him to say that I am surprised that I did not hear from him again. He replied that if I only wanted to see him once a month (which was not true, we did not know each other long enough to already have established frequency pattern in our contact – after the exams I would have a lot more time), it meant that I was not interested enough in him. He said that I was just trying to stop the contact in a soft way (as if I was not able to be straight to someone). He also told me that he did not want a contact that consisted merely of emailing (again, since we did not know each other for a long time there were no clear patterns to our contact yet). His email was really long so I sent him a rather long reply trying to answer to everything he wrote. His reply: “I started reading your email but I stopped halfway. Sorry! Wish you all the best.” I thought that was very nasty and I told him to no longer contact me. I feel like I dodged a bullet.
I was in a relationship with a narcissistic guy and when it ended I felt like he had sucked all the life out of me. I was beginning to feel the same thing with this guy and we were not even in a relationship.

I was being emotionally abused by a Narcissist. I fell in love with him and I was blind to all the signs. My mother is a narcissist and has been for years. I have been practically emotional abused all my life. The guy I have been dating started off nice until months later his true colors started to show. I felt my self worth and self esteem slowing fading. He took advantage of me sexually, emotionally, and mentally. If i didn’t do something he agreed with or give him what he wanted he would give me the silent treatment. When I wanted to discuss our relationship he gave me the silent treatment. I realized I had had enough i stood up to him. I told him he didn’t love me. He was using it to get what he wanted. He replied with a statement to make me feel guilty for standing up for myself. The only regret I have is I had unprotected sex with him twice. I have been cHecked for STDS NEGATIVE. His plan later was to get me pregnant I soon found out. I started reading and researching and became more empowered. He has given me the silent trearment cause I stood up for myself and for the first I dont care! I am so happy! I will def not b contacting this a**hole again or responding! Blocked blocked and blocked

I like your articles. I just found out my boyfriend (Xboyfriend) of 3 yrs is a N. I never knew what that was before. It is so refreshing and healing to know someone finally gets what im saying. I can’t believe how textbook he is.
His silent treatment started after the first 2 months. I was devastated. I really liked this guy (because i had no idea who he REALLY was yet). I cried for 2 weeks strait. When he called a bit after, i was thrilled thinking, omg, he DOES love me! This went back and forth for the next three freaking years. (I know, i judge me, too.) And with me not knowing what was actually happening, everytime he returned i thought, he really can’t live without me!
Now, as far as supply goes, everyone is fair game to him. He didn’t always leave for ow. He had a circle of male friends he would cycle through. That doesnt mean he wasnt messing around, i KNOW he was, that part went along with wherever he was, but was rarely the ultimate goal. He treated his male friends with silent treatment, as well, but i chalked it up to them not understanding him and saw him as the victim. (Why do we make excuses for them and how does that even make sense???) What’s funny is with men, he’s an ass kisser. He is in the “cannabis industry” and never hesitates to use them to move further up. All women are for sex.
I actually got sick of the back and forth before i even found out he was a narc or the other women. Towards the end it was so routine with him. Like water. “I’m sorry. Ive missed you. Lets go to counseling. I know i was wrong. Please can i come over tonight?” Once he was saying those things every 3 days, i was like, I’m out.
There is so much more to say, but overwhelming to know where to begin. The mental chaos they create should be punishable by law. Others have got to have ptsd, as well…
I began nc in February of this year. For the first 3 months he thought i was joking. (Thats how much control he knew he had over me.) He would text every few days to see if i was over whatever i was “mad” about. When i wouldn’t answer his calls and texts, desperation set in. He wanted to get married, I’m the only one for him, don’t i miss our love making (the LAST thing i missed. Ah, inflated egos), let’s move away, let’s go to Hawaii, blah blah blah.
I have to say, what has empowered me is knowing thay he never really cared. To know all his words are just air. He cares for nothing, including himself. I have to admit, tho, there was some satisfaction in watching him squirm for supply. I haven’t heard from him in about 2 weeks, which is great, but when he goes that long without contacting me it’s because he’s out of town. (He has even gone out of state for supply!) I found out he has left for a while, but i didn’t ask what, where, why or when. I just mentally retreated into a corner. I was hoping he finally got the message, but it’s only because he’s not here. He will text when he gets back and i will ignore. He’s just a pain in the ass.
To all of you who have dealt with a n, I AM NOT A VICTIM. Terrible things were done and said to me (and others in his life) by a person with serious problems. I do have healing to do and thought processes to reverse, but He was only able to TAKE from me because of my GIVING spirit. He was only able to get away with his LIES because of my TRUSTING heart. He was only able to COME BACK time and time (and time…) again because of my FORGIVING nature. See? Nothing is wrong with ME. I’m a good person, despite what he has told me and others. (Apparently, I’m psycho. And i will admit, I’ve flown off the handle with him because he refused to admit anything and arguments went in circles. You know what I’m talking about. He MADE me crazy while sucking up my good qualities!) And the best news is i have learned my lesson and can now spot a n a mile away. I run fast the other way. Never again will i have to be in a narcissistic relationship and that brings a smile to my face. 🙂

I’m trying to understand the difference between the silent treatment as punishment vs. The silent treatment in No Contact. Or even when we give the silent treatment to the narc, in the relationship, after their rage episode, not intentially to punish but to maintain the peace and just because we have nothing left in us to engage in bullshit small talk after being beaten into submission with vindictive words. Does that make us the codependant covert narcissist? The “everything is my fault” syndrome because I have no boundaries just like my narcissistic partner? Are we employing the same punishment tactics of banishing them from your life and saying no more abuse, because it’s how they operate and what they understand? I feel horrible for cutting off my narcissist; as he plays on my compassionate heartstrings, playing victim and telling me how much I hurt him that I don’t even want to be friends, because I’m his only friend, (not my problem,) and I vindictively am hurting him the only way I could by cutting him off. I tell him I don’t even have friends who treat me in the manner he has and I can’t be friends with him. He doesn’t even acknowledge how he hurt, lied and stole from me. Crocodile tears, empty apologies and promises. Asking to spend the night after a fake apology, (yes, of course he mises sex.) Expecting me to be at his beck and call but not being dependable or a man of his word. Thankfully I only invested less than a year and a half in this guy-the workaholic alcoholic, who never paid bills, whose failed marriage is all his ex wife’s fault, excuse me, wife, as they are still married, and her its her fault he’s broke, and her fault he can’t see his kids and yada, yada; red flags, overstepped boundaries, failure to communicate my boundaries and met w rage and resistance when I finally woke up and started to voice them. I was so unsure for so long about how long does it take to be with someone to actually establish that poor behavior and treatment is a pattern and getting worse.

Hi. I need some advice and help fast. My husband and I have 4 beautiful children. Our marriage has been chaotic from the start. He’d control every Move I made, insult my body after childbirth, pick fights and then get angry when I react.
We tried marriage counseling a couple of years ago but after the 3rd session, he refused to go back because he stated that “it was like being in a room with two Sarah’s”. We didn’t go long enough for him to be diagnosed however, the therapist did state that the rigjt frontal lobe of my husbands brain did not work properly. That is when he refused to go back. I quit complaining to what friends I had left about our relationship because nobody could understand why I stayed. I stayed for my children. I do not want to break up our family. But my husband continuously called me names like “whore, cunt, cheater” in front of my children. I tried to be a good wife. I truly did. I was a paramedic but decided to get into real estate in order to be with my children more. Oftentimes when I would be leaving to meet a client, he’d tell the kids that mommy was lying and really going to see her boyfriend and just didn’t care about our kids. That would devastate me into canceling appointments and ultimately losing money opportunities. Then in an attempt to ridicule me, he’d say that if I was choosing to be a housewife and not hold up my responsibility in money for the family that we would have to downsize and the children would suffer. It was just a non stop brutal lifestyle. I don’t know that he’s cheated on me and honestly I hadn’t thought he was. One month ago, when I mentioned us separating in order to work on our marriage and seek counseling he became angry as usual and Guilted me into dropping the subject. I just don’t have the energy for the constant bickering. 5 days after he insulted me for suggesting separating for the greater good, he suddenly, without warning, emptied all of our bank accounts to a zero balance.
When I approached him about the money, the argument got out of hand and he threw me on the floor. I called the police (only because my children were sleeping at my parents house) for my protection. He normally talks me out of reporting him with threats of waking up the children so they can see mommy having daddy arrested. He’s never hit me in front of the kids. He just emotionally tortures me in front of them because I beg him not to. Anyway, he was not charged because it was his word against mine and I had no marks. He accused me of being the aggressor and asked for an officer to accompany him to pack his things. I’ll never forget the anguish and despair of my children and I as we BEGGED him not to leave with cops by his side. My kids were terrified. I felt helpless. I was actually on my knees begging for mercy for my kids and he wouldn’t look at me or show any emotion towards me or the kids. My kids ages are 12, 7, 6, and 1. It was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced seeing my kids crying uncontrollably and wondering why daddy was leaving with police officers and not acknowledging them. At that point, I was left with 4 kids and completely penniless. Thank God for my parents who are buying us groceries and necessities like diapers and formula. I also spoke with a lawyer who said the only way to protect myself and my kids was to file divorce and a restraining order. He never tried contacting me or returning any text when I asked for money. He’d only text our small children, who need my help with spelling, but he will not acknowledge the fact that I even exist. I thought the silent treatment would stop after the restraining order but it hasn’t. He will only text my kids on their iPads which have to be in wifi to work. But now that our internet has been disconnected due to non payment, he will only call the house and if I answer, he hangs up. He refuses to call my cell phone to talk to the kids. The temporary restraining order was dismissed at the most humiliating court session I could’ve imagined. He had a great lawyer, and I didn’t. His lawyer painted me as a money hungry abuser and that I was the one who initiated the convo of splitting
Up so I should be happy that I got what I wanted. Never in a million years did I want to be abandoned and left to starve with 4 children. His entire case against me was to gain access back to the children but it’s been 5 days since his big win and he’s been out of town golfing and vacationing. From the time he left until today he has not made 1 attempt to see our children. I had to file for divorce to protect us and get some of our money back. I don’t want a divorce but it’s the only way to ensure protecting my kids. 3/4 of my children have been sick with strep throat and I’ve attempted to text him to ask for money for their antibiotics and no response. This silent treatment is driving me to the brink of insanity. I feel like I’m nothing but a worthless piece of trash. Everything he said he would do came true. The threats of if he ever left that I would have nothing and be nothing is true! I’ve got my kids. That’s all I care about. But I can’t even afford to take them to the doctor. I’ve got the house for now but all of the utilities are about to be cut off for nonpayment and he just doesn’t care. The worst part is that he thinks he’s only hurting me but my children are suffering. I’m a human being. I’m so helpless and depressed and dying inside. I can’t eat or sleep and I’m constantly shaking. This hurts so deep emotionally that I’m hurting physically. I’m trying to keep strong for the kids but they see me constantly bursting into tears. In real estate, you don’t get paid until you sell a home and I have no contracts rigjt now and he knows that. How can a person knowingly leave their family to suffer this way and not even respond when I meekly ask for help and mercy? Why is he doing this? Today, on Mother’s Day, he had the nerve to call our house just to talk with the kids for a total of 3 minutes. I wanted to answer the phone so badly just hoping that he would at least tell me happy Mother’s Day but I chickened out because I knew that if he slammed the receiver down and rejected me again, I would be in worse condition. I love my children. I love them so much it’s indescribable. I can’t imagine the thought of shared custody. After he slaughtered me in the courtroom for the restraining order I’m in constant anxiety and fear of him getting shared custody as he’s threatened me with that and so far all of his threats have come true. I’m contemplating canceling my divorce paperwork because I fear for my children being in his care and I’ve come to realize between police with their he said she said, and pricey attorneys that he can afford with OUR money, there is absolutely no justice in this world. I’ve prayed and prayed. I’m beginning to think that maybe it was all of my fault. If I would’ve kept my mouth shut, it wouldn’t have gone this far. I’m broken. And helpless. Soon I will be forced out of our home when the utilities get shut off and then he will move Right back in and then prove to a judge that only he can support our kids. This is pure misery and I don’t know what to do. I just want to protect my children. His silent treatment is weakining me to despair. My babies sit next to their iPads all day just waiting on a text from their daddy. They keep asking me why daddy left. I just tell them that no matter what daddy loves them. I feel like a prisoner. That is what this is and I’m being tortured by him and I don’t think I’ll ever overcome this anguish. I’m sorry for being so long winded. Nobody that I know understands.

Hi I’m not sure if u remember me but I wrote to U months ago about my ex. Unfortunately I met another one. We were engaged after 2 months an everything was perfect than he left me without word an won’t talk to me. I’m going threw the silent period an I forgot how painful this is. He was different to my other narc more loving caring an showered me with gifts dinners ect. Moved me into a big home and now nothing. Started slowly cutting off then still giving me a bit of love then boom gone without any explanation. Now the horrible part is he wrks for shops up from my salon. So I have to see him every day. I need done advice again on coping. It’s very different from last time but much the same. I don’t know how iv met another one