Sex, Lies and The Narcissistic Personality

I met Cliff on plenty o fish 12/15. On our first meet, he never made eye contact. I asked why he’d never married at age 50, and he made a joke. I could tell he was not into me. I was surprised when he called the next day for another date! I said no because there’s no chemistry. He excused it by saying he’s shy, and he said “I will treat you like a queen if I’m lucky enough to date you.’

What followed was his insistence that we be exclusive. Little did I know that only restricted my dating others, not him. He would text 30 times a day and profess to miss me, but make no effort to see me. Why did I continue? I am 56 and divorced many years. Ive never had continued attention from men I’ve dated casually, let alone a request for exclusivity.

I ended our situation when he had an affair with my friend and denied it. She told me the truth. He lied constantly about not seeing others, only to be caught in lies. He refused to let me come to his house because he had two roommates, one is a woman. Well, it’s his house, they’re paid boarders! No sensible man prefers to pay $125 for a motel room for intimacy for a few hours when his own home is five minutes away, or let his sex life be impeded by boarders. He claims the woman isn’t a fwb but he lies constantly. He later lied and claimed I was welcome there any time, which is very false.

I told him goodbye, and I believe this time he has several hot replacements that have his attention, because he only tried emailing me five days after no contact. Before, he would blow up my phone with dozens of messages.

He really got under my skin. I pity any woman who is conned by him. He’s definitely not all that!

I’m just fed up with it all it drains the life from me the constant games changing the rule so they always seem to get to win. I’m seriously having to be in constant conflict with the narc to.get anything I would.like even.getting them to agree to anything is a battle a conflict having to really stand up and be justified when you know your right and the are wrong. I really need to get these books I feel lost plus it’s just getting alot worse. I can’t stand to be around this person it’s a real bad feeling of dread it has cause. It’s not a good vibe of energy being manipulated and emotionally controlled really gets me so down. Note to self p.smust invest in this book : ).I just pray it for any help. I’ve even cut all my hair off like the woman in the film bitter moon. Someone said if you cut your own hair it means you’ll start afresh. Either that or I’ve gone totally bananas from the stress of being driven insane by the constant mind games Fingers crossed he just goes a long walk and gets lost. Hate his bloody guts.

i married my 3rd husband.he was a virgin,he had been raised in christian schools.very strict family.we dated 2yrs in secret he was scared of his parents reaction.when we married he acted like he fell in shower cause he was scared of sex.after sex he would feel it was a dirty sin.he would ignore me.we would be going to church he would get mad pull over throw the keys in the woods!he would quit his job an go to bed for days as i begged him to talk he would say shut up leave me alone.i was a cna paying all bills he ran a cash register at a meat market he tithed his hole check said if he didnt hed look like a goon.i would iron his shirt hed say collar wasnt right an throw his shirt an go back to bed.he had to call his parents everday an tell them how i made him mad when we went to church an he shook hands with pastor he was so nice we got out of church his tone changed our air was out in car i couldnt roll down windows til we got off lot cause he said wed look like goons!i finally called his parents an said come get him!he threw his keys in woods again! now hes met a older lady with grandkids,she probably draws disability cooks country meals has her own house hes got photos on facebook people comment how happy he looks this woman post:im so blessed to have this man in my life! they r marrying in april ever photo of them is a place i took him for the first time. they disgust me but why am i looking at them on social media? why am i angry! help me please

it is the lies which make recovery so long, so hurtful and different from other relationships. After my relationship I discovered that it he is a classic narcissist, silent treatments, controlling my wardrobe through comments and controlling my social circle (he made it impossible we meet up with mine).
I was deeply unhappy but couldn’t put a finger on why.
He accused me of ignoring him if I wasn’t able to answer my phone immediately, yet he was gone for days with focusing on his work.
Once I went no contact I was open to understanding how I ended up in such a frightening relationship. The hurt compounded by a new supply instantly. After a good six months no contact he broke through, proof he cheats but he doesn’t see it like that. I worked out that one discard arrived when he was already in full swing of another relationship.
The Hoover stopped abruptly, so I checked his online profiles and sure enough he is active and clearly grooming another victim. He has his current supply, me and various online supply lines all on the go. He so boyishly innocent, sweet and fun when you first meet but the truth is he is manipulative, untrustworthy, very spiteful, jealous, judgemental and comes with psychotic rages once you are under the spell. All of us are vulnerable to these people, they lie and there is no way to detect it because they believe own their lies themselves despite all of the evidence they deny and blame others.
hard to get your head round the lie factor once release they rolled you over for no logical reason or purpose. The motivation is what exactly ?

All articles are 100% true and complete eye openers . thank you !!!

Again mind boggling!!! Its like they read all the books to use these tactics on their victims. It was already interesting to me how my xNarc would use some of the terms you hear in Psychology as if he was studying how to manipulate people. In the beginning I started having suspicions and he tried to say he had anger issues and Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I honestly don’t believe it. I used the abbreviation PTSD one day and he asked what is that? Of course he is always the victim and is mom supposely suffers from a mental disorder (although she sounds quite normal to me during our brief phone conversations). His father was supposedly a dead beat that was jealous of his success (he was living with his father when we first met this conveniently was kicked out of his house weeks later). He so called had so many fragmented relationships and this horrible childhood and I can only assume that was all a “lie”. I don’t believe anything anymore. Like you, I have been so tempted to send a letter to his mom asking all the questions and exposing him but I can imagine she has endured a long time of suffering. I always found it strange some of the things she would say to me such as “take care of yourself”, “be good to each other”, “I happy he is not alone and you are there with him”, and “I hope the 2 of you stay friends”. Some of this was recent and some in the past. Its only been a week since I went “No Contact”. I am sure he has smeared my name to everyone in his family that knows of me. His mom seemed to be a cheerleader for me so I’m not sure what to think.

Hi, I never even knew what a “narcissist” was until after the break up. I was with mine almost five years. We met on eharmony. He told me he was recently divorced and a former alcoholic (35+years). He attended AA meetings twice a week. At the time, I thought, “He’s not ready for a relationship but maybe we can be just friends”. He was attractive, charming, funny and we had so much in common. Well, that ‘s what we became. He called me and we did a lot together. We lived in the same city so we would go to each other’s house for dinner, go shopping, go for motorcycle rides and he even invited me to a family reunion in Iowa!! After three years of being literally best friends, I was ready to move to the next level. He remarked, “My former marriage ruffled my feathers. I’m not ready to be in a committed relationship”. Well I’ve never been married or divorced, so I honored his space. However, suddenly I started seeing the “cracks”. He was “friends” with another woman I always heard about, plus he appeared to have a lot of women “friends”. Then one day I decided not to put all my eggs in one basket and went back on eharmony. Low and behold, there he was! He had an active profile!! I confronted him about it and I can’t remember how it ended, but he talked me out of being angry. Then again, our friendship continued. I slowly became wise to his manipulative ways and was getting tired of finding him lying and cheating on me with this other woman. He knew I knew and ended it with me by telling me that he was seeing someone else but still wanted to be friends. I told him “We’re done” and hung up the phone. I have blocked him through email, cell phone and texting. I took myself off eharmony because I was uncomfortable being on it with him having an active profile on it as well. He is still with this other woman and from looking on FB, I can tell she is madly in love with him. Get this, she works as a teacher in the same school district that I do, so I see her at meetings. I’m angry at the fact that he’s dating another teacher in my district that does the same job as me! There’s a part of me that’s jealous of her but I know what he did to me, he will do to her. After a lot of reading about this topic, I also learned that I was the Madonna and she was the whore. A coworker who knows this OW said she doesn’t accept being “friends” with guys. It took me about three months and a lot of hard work for me to feel normal again. I’m taking a huge break from dating and am going to work on myself. I will never let this happen to me again. They say what goes around comes around. I hope this guy gets his dues!!