Cheating Narcissists & Why Great Sex with You Changes Nothing

By Zari Ballard

narcissist-cheater-sex The narcissist will cheat no matter how great your sex life is together and no matter how willing you are to fulfill his every fantasy – and that’s a fact. Furthermore, if you, as the victim partner, behave like I did and refuse to wrap your head around this fact even after you discover that he’s a narcissist, you are setting yourself up for a the biggest fall of your life because inevitably, you will have to accept the horrible truth and it will hurt more than you can possibly imagine.

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I’m telling you now, right here, as the point of this article, that it is better to understand and accept the truth about “narcissists and sex” as soon after the “a-ha” moment as humanly possible so that you can get on with the process of recovering from the pain. For those of you who don’t consider sex to be the biggest connection you have to your narcissist, this advice still applies because no doubt you’ve amped up the sex in hopes that it will nip the cheating in the bud if you now give him what he wants…but it won’t. My point is that it just doesn’t matter whether the sex is good/great now (before you catch him cheating) or whether the sex becomes good/great later (after you catch him cheating). The motherfucker is going to cheat either way and no matter what he tells you. To “get this” you have to slither inside the twisted mind of the narcissist’s pathological relationship agenda and, believe me, I have and now I’m here to try to explain to you why he does it.

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The narcissist, from day one, never intends to be loyal to you. In fact, loyalty never occurs to him at all until you bring it up the very first time and then his solution is to simply lie about it. It’s not that the narcissist doesn’t understand that normal people, for the most part, do not condone infidelity, it’s just that he feels entitled to cheat even if everyone else doesn’t. But the narcissist is smart, don’t forget, and, therefore he knows what he has to do, what he has to hide, and how he needs to act in order to wander anonymously through life (and especially from relationship to relationship) getting what he wants.

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So, from day one, even though you two have awesome sex together (and he seductively reminds you of this fact on a daily basis), he’s still going to crawl into bed with whomever he wants and he going to have a great time doing it and there’s nothing you can do to change it. Moreover, while he’s cheating, the narcissist is also busy managing down your expectations of the relationship to the point that he can actually disappear and reappear at will with nary a consequence because you’d much rather have him back – cheater that he is – rather than suffer the anxiety you feel while he’s gone. And besides, you can’t seem to ever really prove he’s cheating, right? So…well…maybe, then, it’s possible he really isn’t? Nope, sorry…there’s no chance of that but it’s exactly what he wants you to think and how he wants you to feel and this is how he’s able to get away with it.

My ex and I had really, really great sex for all the years we were together. And, although he treated me like shit and subjected me to unexpected, hurtful silent treatments every chance he could, disappearing like Houdini and reappearing with ridiculous alibis, I counted on the quality of our sex life to keep him from straying farther than our love connection allowed. Because I couldn’t fathom being with anyone else but him no matter how we were getting along, I stupidly assumed that, even in all of his awfulness, he ultimately would miss the sex and come back to me. Now, I’m sure that many times this is exactly what happened but little did I know that he had plenty to compare me to in the interim. It wasn’t until I caught the bastard red handed that I had to face the fact and even then I stayed because, as narcissists will do when caught the first time, he convinced me that once was enough and he’d never do it again. The truth, however, is this: the first time we catch the narcissist cheating is never the first time that it happened and it definitely won’t be the last time it ever does. For the narcissist, he’s happy to lie because that means he gets to still have the great sex while he hunts around for better.

Each and every single time that you are discarded or subjected to a silent treatment, the narcissist is cheating. He feels completely entitled to do this and this is why he gets soooooo angry when he gets caught or called out on his deceitful behavior. This is why he twists and manipulates the confrontation until you find yourself apologizing for the sole purpose of apologizing even though it was he who cheated! How many of you reading this have apologized….maybe even begged for forgiveness…after catching him in yet another fucking lie? Think about how ridiculous that is. Normal people that we love do not make us feel that way. Once, exasperated at my inability to stop crying as I repeatedly asked “Why? Why? How could you cheat on me?, my ex finally threw his hands up and screamed “Because I didn’t think it was any big deal, that’s why!!!!!” Ahhhhh…finally, he told me a truth.

I know it hurts, sisters and brothers, and I understand that when we really love someone, the sex becomes a very special connection. Under normal circumstances, this connection can play a big role in the monogamy of the relationship. Under normal circumstances, a great sex life is a bonus simply because normal couples in love really do prefer to just fuck ONLY one another. Narcissists are incapable of feeling this connection but are more than happy to lie about it in order to appear normal and keep you (and all the others) as narcissistic supply. The narcissistic behavior of seduce and discard is part the process of trauma bonding. To be free of this demonic partner, we have to accept this fact, forget about finding closure, go no contact, and move on with our lives even though the pain is deep. We have to put away our jealousy of his newest partner because he WILL do the same to her as well. He’s not sad over his “lack of” emotion towards sex at all because he knows he’s really good at faking it. The Narcissistic Lie is his solution to Lack at all times.

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Is his/ her faking the sexual connection really going to be okay with you now that you know the truth? The fact that a narcissist will cheat no matter how great the sex is between the two of you NEVER CHANGES and you deserve so much more in this life.

YOU, my friend, are never the problem. Decide from this moment forward that you will accept nothing less than the respect that you deserve.

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144 Comments

katie
November 4, 2015 at 7:12 am Reply

Hi Zari!
Im pretty sure you remember my story about me being on and off with my N for 5 years…and we finally broke July of 2014 and he was with someone else the day off… well he is not with her anymore they only lasted about 8 months on and off. He got with a new girl who he was friends with….he was actually friends with her and her boyfriend who she was with for 12 years….well somehow they got together and the week they hooked up they moved in together (he started renting his cousins house) well they have only been together for not even 6 months and now she is pregnant…2 months pregnant which means he got her pregnant 3 months after dating. They are all lovey dovey on fb….i havent looked in awhile and i wont. But, i hear it from people. I found out they are both living in her parents basement now. Sad but true! I just can’t help but to feel like he is a changed guy. I ji st dont get it. I have been ok for awhile with not pining over him until i heard the pregnancy news. Its like they are a great couple and things are going SO great!! How can someone change like that so quick? Or his he still acting and being on his best behavior? Or is she just nieve?
Help!! Please! 🙁
- Zari Ballard
  November 7, 2015 at 5:20 pm Reply
  
  Hi Katie-girl,
  
  Of course I remember you! Okay, you’re not looking at this logically. Take a minute to re-read your own post to me. The ONLY reason that he hasn’t already started his shenanigans is because she is pregnant and that will last about…ohhh…probably ten minutes. How happy can he be living in her parent’s basement and how long will it be before THE PARENTS get a whiff of the evil? Seriously, girl, is all this representative of a “great” life with the narcissist???? Do you actually wish, knowing all that you know about this douchebag, that YOU were pregnant living with the N in YOUR parent’s basement? Of course not!
  
  Cease & desist from peeking, spying, stalking, looking, reading, scouting, or perusing anything that has anything to do with him. I’m sure when and if I find out that my ex has some girl pregnant, I’ll feel pretty sick too UNTIL I realize the reality of it all.
  
  No, he never changes. The evil just gets postponed or rearranged but never for very long. Normalcy is wayyyyy to boring for the evil monster that we know so well! Stay strong!
  
  Zari xo
Gary
November 2, 2015 at 4:08 pm Reply

Hi..
Seems to be mostly women on here.. I have suffered for the last ten years at the hands of a female N. An alpha female one as well. Just to make it worse.

Well, I have just got out, truthfully, I was kicked out of the relation ship 3 months ago.
We have 2 amazing kids, 6 and 14 months. These 2 have made me have second thoughts about leaving in the past, intact I went back for the 300000 time because of my eldest..

Anyway, my N was with a friend actually with them as a couple when I met her.
( alarm bells are going off now, but at the time I didn’t see it because I didn’t know what a NPD was, let alone know what to look out for.
Anyway, she made all the moves, stole my number from my friends phone and started texting me.
She said they where finished and did I want to meet up?
We did. And guess what?
Surprise surprise the sex was off the hook, just amazing, we seemed so in tune with each other.
Mind blowing earth shattering sex every single time..
I was hooked.
We got married.
I moved to her, and from here on in the total head fuck started, along with the lies, insults, wickedness, deceit, anguish, pain, jealousy, games, mental torture, and everything else I have read up on in the last few months.
Even now, today, this morning.. She is still up to her tricks.
She is on holiday, I have the children, she is in another time zone.
She text to say don’t forget to get R to school at 8:40am today.
( it was 10:30 UK gmt, so clearly I had gotten R to school)
I replied saying as much, with you don’t need to reply just get on with feeding your disorder with your latest victim.
She text a picture of R with her friend from about 2 years ago when they where both toddlers.
Again I said cute picture but stop texting me, fuck off, I’m not interested, leave me alone.
Stop texting me.
And guess what?
A picture message of her topless on the beach wearing a thong.
With text saying ” it’s really lovely here, so quiet, beautiful and perfect. We should come here with the kids” x
Why? I know why, because I’m not feeding into her bullshit anymore.
I wrote a long abusive text message calling her every name under the sun and for the 3rd time just fuck off!!
I blocked her.
Now that as just today.
From day 1 of our sham joke marriage, she has been texting men, sending nude pictures of herself to male “friends” guys she doesn’t know, people she meets out, and it was never nine if my business.
She would go to Spain alone to see her friend (female) only I found out her ex boyfriend who was Spanish was also getting visits for sex.
She used to disappear to party for days on end, she would say I’ll be back at this time and not show up, phone off, no texts, no contact.
She would go out Saturday and promise to be back Sunday so I could go to work and then show up Monday at 10am. I had to call in and explain this to my work time after time after time.
She would hoodwink me into believing she wanted to stay in with me and If I said something she didn’t like or questioned her on who she was texting she would fly into a rage and storm out, not seem again for 12 or 24 hours.
When she came back. And I questioned her it was none of my business.
On and on and on. She’d go out wearing revealing tops, with slogans on saying talk to me.
She would dress provocatively, she would flirt with guys and girls.
I’m running away with myself thinking of all the times she has down this.

Ok. Right well the parts I didn’t understand where the arguments.
About nothing, the overbearing attitude, never conceding she was wrong or too head strong about anything, it was always me who was in the wrong 100% of the time and I needed to apologise to her.
I had to shower her in gifts, I had to treat her like a princess, tell her how great she was, how sexy she looked.. Just about every single trait an N could have she possessed.
I could go on and on abou this, the lies and deciet, the total head fuck I’ve suffered.
But really what’s the point?
I’ve read. Enough to know now, that it wasn’t me, it was all her. She scored 48/56 in a test I took, meaning she is heavily afflicted NPD.
Another one she showed 19/20 traits.
I’ve got her sorted now, I don’t need to feel bad about being me, I’m not an embarrassment, I’m not ashamed of myself, I’m not thick, fat, or ugly. I’ve suffere for 10 years and you start to believe what they say.
I had a shit job, really bad pay and long hours.
I applied for lots of jobs and got no where.
She saw this as a total lack of ambition and she wasn’t proud of me.
I said I’m trying every single day to get out of his shit job, every single second o of my day, I’m trying
To get out.
I was lazy stupid and thick and I’ll never get out of it.
She used to tell her close friend I had no ambition to the point he came and spoke to me about it!
Well, a year ago I got a great job, the best thing ever. Great pay, great job, and they love me, I’m being promoted and every one thinks the world of me, and I frigging love what I do.
She didn’t like this. She now can’t tell me how shit I am, can she?
She listens to audio books constantly, every minute of every day she is listening to a self help book.
On the outside, to everyone else she’s the perfect woman, gorgeous, funny, helpful blah blah blah.
She isn’t.
Those audio books are a front, she never acts on what they say, and I used to tell her that.
She uses them as cover, a smoke screen to hide her true self.
Empathy? She doesn’t do empathy, or understanding, respect, or anything else that normal people need or want, because that shit is for victims.
I’m a victim.
And I’m not under attack, that was a favourite of hers.
I’m not under attack, while she used to rain abuse down on me with furious anger…

Question is.. How do I deal with this snake? We have children.
No contact isn’t an option.
Sorry to all if this is disjointed, I’ve got so much to say and fingers that won’t keep up wth my memory’s.
So much more to say, 10 long ass years of shit.
Great to know I’m not the only one suffering this trauma.
And isn’t weird, how the sex is always, in many cases amazing?
Pity they couldn’t keep to being faithful with it.
I am worried about meeting someone else and going through this shit again.
What are the chances eh?

It changes you, it takes away and robs you of your natural instinct to love and trust. I dunno how I’ll get over it, I see some people are still dealing with it years after they’ve split up.
I’ve got kids with my N. I know she will take every opportunity to fuck with me emotionally and mentally.
Look forward to a reply.

Gary.
- Zari Ballard
  November 4, 2015 at 6:20 pm Reply
  
  Hi Gary,
  
  Well, you’ve been through the ringer, there’s no doubt about that. She sounds like the female narcissist from hell and whether you left or got kicked out…who cares as long as you’re gone! Congrats on the new job…make the very best of it and move all the way up.
  
  Look, I know that you know that you can’t control her behavior, right? Of course not. But you CAN control your reaction to it and it’s all about SHOWING no emotions, my friend. It’s about speaking to her/listening to her/ with DETACHMENT and INDIFFERENCE whether that’s how you feel or not. It’s about limiting all interaction – even when it’s about the kids – to ten minutes and ten minutes only. It’s about NOT interacting at all when it has to do with anything else. For instance, the text that you got “reminding” you to send R to school should have been ignored. In fact, as soon as she left for holiday, you should have blocked her and then only unblocked her when the kids wanted to call HER. Keep her blocked. Because here’s what’s really happening….you ARE feeding into her bullshit. Every time you send a nasty response or respond AT ALL, she is sitting on the other end of that phone with a smirk on. Everything she is doing is for the sole purpose of riling you up – and you’re taking the bait. Stop it! This is fun for her. The fact that you have kids together doesn’t mean anything at all except that here and there you will have to talk about the kids. Other than that, you don’t have to ALLOW her the opportunity to fuck with you. No matter what you feel, show no emotion. And if you block her, you won’t have to worry about seeing anything that will rile you up. Be pro-active.
  
  I’m going to go to my personal email and send you a PDF copy of my book for guys about female narcissism. It has a chapter on co-parenting that will help. I’ll send it to the email that you used to post your comment so look for it. You can do this, brother. It’s not impossible. The no-contact process can be modified to fit with co-parenting. Read my book and let me know what you come up with:)
  
  Thank you for sharing your story and write me anytime. I’m here to help in any way that I can….
  
  Zari xo
  - Gary
    November 4, 2015 at 11:14 pm Reply
    
    Zari,
    Thanks for taking the time out to reply and sending. Me your book.
    Quick update.
    Well, I wish Your email arrived a day earlier.
    She is still on holiday, I’ve controlled myself and not contacted her.
    Until she contacted me, and I’ve interacted with her, I told her to fuck off and blocked her.
    Awesome.
    I didn’t hear from her for a few days, then she said she wanted to face time the kids Wednesday at 4pm because she misses them.
    Utter bullshit of course, she doesn’t miss them, but she is with 2 friends so it’s got to look like she is missing them.
    Since then I’ve been involved with a text battle, I stupidly let her get to me.
    In all honesty I still love the bitch, and I’m hurting. So the I deal with it by hating her.
    But she got to me yesterday and I got involved with her bullshit.
    What bothers me quite a lot, hugely Infact ( this is why I got involved tbh) is that it’s all me.
    She sent me a text saying she has a lot of love for me and she cares about me, she went ion to say that my emotional Jerry Springer outburst are a liability and it’s unfortunate that I chose that person as who I should be.
    Now I’m fucking furious.
    First of all, I don’t like her friends thinking that I’m some crazy, jealous, emotional lunatic for no reason. I’m being made out to be the one who caused this break up because of my emotional state! And it’s nothing to do with her behaviour?
    I’m getting angry just thinking about it.
    Why doesn’t anyone ask the question why? Why Is Gary like that? Why ?
    It’s like the whole load of mental torture and bullshit didn’t have any bearing on my emotional state.
    I didn’t exactly have emotional breakdowns in public. Yet they all think it’s me, my emotions that did this that bugs me, a lot.
    It’s her that done this I want to say, all this mental and emotional battering I took at the hands of your wonderful friend. I would love to sit down with one of them and tell them the full story..
    One of them is coming back here after the holiday, so I told the NPD that will be good.
    I said if it was all me and nothing to do with you, and you didn’t create this emotional crazy being that you tell everyone about, if that’s the case you won’t mind at all if I sit with K and run though some of the stuff you’ve put me thorough, so she has both sides of the story, because if it’s all me, you won’t mind at all because you don’t have anything to be afraid of, do you? So I can give Kat my side of things and she can make her own mind up.
    She replied with Kat didn’t sign up to be in your Jerry springer audience- maybe one of your chavvy mates can be in the audience.
    I said well she can just listen for s bit to some of things I’ve got to say and make up her own mind about me and what I’ve been through, she can decide if it’s normal.
    She replied
    Wanna make up and be best friends?
    Of which I replied
    Fuck off.
    Anyway, my point is they all think it’s me, like I’m the crazy one and she is the victim!!!
    That really bothers me, I just wanna say hang on a minute, this is what she’s done blah blah blah. I don’t like being blamed for all this like I’m crazy.
    But your right, I should keep her blocked and then she can’t feed off me.
    I have to toughen up.
    Do the right things. Keep away.
    It’s tough with kids because they suffer.
    R thinks it’s my job that keeps me away from home, so again, zero blame is dropped at the NPD’s door on that one either.
    It all gets looped back to me,.
    She is totally blameless.
    I’m so angry right now.
    I want her to suffer like I have.
    I want her to feel the excruciating pain I did.
    Why would anyone do this?
    What the fuck Is it with these people?
    Aren’t we all here to love each other?
    Not batter each other to an emotional death.
    I don’t think I’ll ever trust again.
    Or fall in love.
    It’s all too dangerous.
    Gary
    - Zari Ballard
      November 14, 2015 at 8:59 pm Reply
      
      Hi Gary,
      
      Hopefully you’ve calmed down since your post! LOL Look, there is NOTHING you can do about what her friends think. Seriously, how important can they be if they are HER friends?? Another thing is that we all think that the the world sees this person as perfect and us as the culprit and reason for all the chaos but this isn’t true. How do you know how all of her friends think? Because she TOLD you how they think? My ex used to say that too…how everyone hated me, blah blah blah. I knew it was a lie, of course, because why would they hate me? It’s not even logical to assume that everyone in the N’s life thinks you’re to blame.
      
      Now, all that being said, there is POWER in YOUR silence. My recommendation is to say nothing to anybody. Let her mouth keep flapping and the world will get the message. Have faith in the truth and FUCK those who believe the Lie. This works but you have to stick to it. As soon as you start telling your side and how bad she is and what she’s done, she wins. It never works – especially when it’s the guy partner of the Female Narc. You just stay sweet and nice and don’t talk shit about her and it will be obvious eventually who is the asshole here. I guarantee it.
      
      You are spending way too much time communicating with her over nothing important. She is playing you, I can tell. Stop it. Ignore her. You have to or you will never get past this. She shouldn’t even be having the opportunity to taunt you with things like “Let’s be best friends…”
      
      Don’t give in to this bitch! Stay strong, brother!
      
      Zari xo
      - Maria
        November 16, 2015 at 4:21 pm
        
        Dear Zari,
        
        I read Gary’s story which is really so sad and many other stories and I thank you for advising everyone in so empowering words. I posted to you about a year ago when my separation was recent. I suffered a lot. Our ” mistake” is that we give everything to these people , then we feel betrayed , watching them leaving us in a cold shower, all of a sudden ,without a serious reason most of the times, disappearing, then moving on!… Yes it hurts but it has been always a lie… My N broke up with me 15 months ago. He disappeared, he blocked me, then some months later, around Christmas he eventually replied to my desperate messages snd said things like ” I loved you as I haven’t ever loved anyone but please go away from me, I am not a good person for you, you deserve so much more” (which is true, but I knew he was using words in reverse phsycology)!Then he moved on with an other girl and blocked me from phone for good. In the summer, our summer houses are next the one to the other… I was there for a month… He was there his new 28 y.o. Girl… We came face to face many times… I was hurting so much. He never ,not a single time,said a hello, not even once. Instead he was giving me those disgust glances, that show pitty and sadistic happiness in his smile, when he was passing in front of me holding hands with the new girl. I suffered. I cried. In the end we even think that these people may be ok, maybe we fantasized all this NPD thingbecause of our hurting ego. Maybe we are worthless and bad people instead of them and on the other hand how can we ever trust anyone again? To make things worse, I feel that I lost my most important years … I am 35 now and I am still single… I wanted to have a family..to have kids. I think it’s impossible anymore . … Well, my N apoeared last week , after a stupid thing that I did… I e-mailed him wishes for his name day. He replied. After 14 months of silent treatment.He has broken up and feels betrayed he said! And he dares to say that to me, the bastard, as if I am his buddy that will give him my shoulder! I am so stupid because I once again gave him the opportunity to know how much I suffered and how much I still love him and even wait for him (!!!!) and let’s meet up (yes i told him that!..)and in the end I felt humiliated once again when he said again things like ” I love you but maria, go away frim me for your own good” and then he welt cold again in an instant. I wanted to kill him. Two days after that, he texts me back and says “yes of course I wanted to meet up with you but I said no because I wasn’t feeling very good but I can come and meet you now, today, that’s my new number, let me know..” (we were on fb messages).I said no, he said “ok, well fine, that’s even better for you Maria in order to stay strong, please don’t ever text me again and take care in your life”.Conclusion:once again I gave him the power to use me and humiliate me. 15 months later?! No self-respect?.. I find it so hard to detach from this empty minded+hearted creature and I see that everyone in here has the same issues. I find it hard to trust someone new and impossible to fall in love . I hate all men. But then again I know that he will always be a shit , a total jerk and will end up alone playing his video games and fucking around. No possibility for deep emotional connection to anyone. Isn’t that worse? He is to feel sorry for him, not me. I pray everyday to God to keep me strong. They are a lie. They don’t deserve a minute from us. Gary and everyone else in here… Let us be strong. Let us love ourselves a little bit more. Please ! Zari thank you for being there ,you are a diamond.
      - Zari Ballard
        December 11, 2015 at 7:05 pm
        
        Hi Maria,
        
        So sorry that you had to go through all of this. Unfortunately, as soon as you open the door even a teeny-weeny crack, the narcissist takes the power back and rejects you. Without fail, this happens because it is the intention. It truly is sickening and there is not a fucking thing normal about it. Please understand that this is for the best. Block his ass so that he can not check back – and I mean block him every where. FB, phone, email, any other type of social media. Do not feel it as a setback but as a reminder of who he really was along – in essence, what you already knew to be true. A complete asshole that is not worth the time of YOUR day.
        
        Stay strong and carry on! Act “as if” it didn’t even happen. And, please, find another summer house!
        
        Zari xo
laura
October 5, 2015 at 5:58 am Reply

I’m crying sooo hard right now and I can’t decide if it’s from how hurt I am or how much I can relate to all these posts or how happy I am to have found this page. What’s my first step. Help PLEASE
- LINDA
  October 31, 2015 at 12:03 pm Reply
  
  ME TOO. Im just getting started with this myself. My life of 5 years unraveling faster than i can hold it together
laura
October 5, 2015 at 5:44 am Reply

I just lucked out and stumbled across this article. I’m completely blown away. I had no idea that anyone else in the world was dealing with the same shit as me. Wow .I thought my “boyfriend” was the only guy around that actually believed that how he treats me is okay and normal. I have been his main girl if u will, for 4 long years now .I’m a completely different person than I was when I met him. I’m depressed and he likes to tell me I’m crazy and that I need to see a Dr. He is right I’m sure but he got me like this. I don’t want to love him but I do and he cheats and disappears and acts like I am psycho cause I want answers. I break up with him every time but he acts like I didn’t and he comes back after a day or two like nothing happened and I’m so glad to see him that I give in. Sex is unfukn believable and I’ve been willing to do any and everything u could ever imaginet io keep him satisfied and home. Didn’t work .I’m torn, hurt, pissed and I want me back god dang it
- Zari Ballard
  October 12, 2015 at 10:59 pm Reply
  
  Hi Laura,
  
  Forgive the delay in getting back to you. It sounds like you have lived my life, girl. The great sex, the disappearances/reappearances…all of it. Please, if you can, download my book When Love Is a Lie from Amazon because you will see your story in my life. It’s a cheap and easy read that will empower you to move on and feel better. I did it and so can you, sister!
  
  Stay strong, read the book (and all the articles on this site and others like it), and write anytime. I’m here to support you…
  
  Zari xo `
- LINDA
  October 31, 2015 at 12:19 pm Reply
  
  just found this today. OMG. it is him. all of the traits are his. what a charming man. i have adored trusted and believed him for almost 5 years. he left 10 days ago. picked a stupid fight and left. bloced my phone. would not text me or email or answer anxious voice mails. came home this morning afyer 10 long days. apologizing that he needed time and he has been alone and that he has not been with any women. haa haa. when he went to sleep i looked in his phone and he visited both of them before he made it home at 4:00 am this morning. Oh Good
DH
September 28, 2015 at 2:56 am Reply

I respect Zari’s and commenting individuals’ thoughts. What is described in this article is not narcissism and is behavior exhibited by both genders in most cultures on a regular basis. These examples read to me as human nature perceived as disagreeable temporarily by individuals who will likely be perceived at some point by another as behaving disagreeably. With respect, another irony I observe is that Zari’s endeavors resemble clinical narcissistic personality traits.
- Zari Ballard
  September 28, 2015 at 11:20 pm Reply
  
  Hi DH,
  
  Thanks for writing and I will assume that you didn’t browse through the nearly 1000 stories on this website before you posted. If you had, you would have known ahead of time that your opinion is in the minority for a very good reason: it’s incorrect. In fact, on this website, it’s all alone. I can assure you that everyone who posts here – myself, of course, included – know the difference between a person who’s a narcissist and someone who’s just an asshole… and that difference, among other things, is A MORAL COMPASS…A CONSCIENCE. We’ve all had other relationships and even marriages and those relationships are NOT what we’re talking about.
  
  When we experience this particular type of deception, there is no question that our partner’s behaviors are different than even the most dysfunctional of “normal” relationship behavior. This is why we come looking for answers. You obviously have not experienced this type of relationship and therefore it is understandable that you don’t “get it”. We’re all used to that. However, this being true, I have to ask the obvious questions: why are you here and what kind of information could you possibly be looking for? If you are, indeed, experiencing what I describe in my articles and what others describe in their stories here, then perhaps you are in denial of what’s really happening. With a narcissist, there’s NOTHING that even resembles “human nature”. If, on the other hand, you’re here for no reason at all, I would consider that to be trolling and I would ask that you refrain from posting again.
  
  Zari
taylor
September 22, 2015 at 3:16 pm Reply

I don’t think I have read anything online that comes this close to what I am experiencing with this narcissist asshole I am with (and believe you me I have read so much online it is absolutely ridiculous). Thank you for sharing! Sometimes it just helps to see it in writing to put it all in perspective. You my friend have been with a man exactly like the one I am with.
- Zari Ballard
  September 26, 2015 at 4:28 pm Reply
  
  Hi Taylor,
  
  Isn’t it amazing how our lives become interchangeable when we’re involved with a narcissist? If you think that my ex-boyfriend is just like yours, read my book When Love Is a Lie and you’ll be convinced of it. It’s a quick and easy read and you will find it very empowering, girl. It will help you put this bullshit in perspective so that you can finally break free. Check it out and let me know what you think!
  
  Stay strong and write anytime…I’m here to support you:)
  
  Zari xo
Theresa Bravo
July 11, 2015 at 2:47 pm Reply

Your books and articles are so on point!!….I feel much better understanding it has nothing to do with me and all about the crazy person we wasted our time with!!…. Move on ladies!
- Zari Ballard
  July 13, 2015 at 1:17 pm Reply
  
  Hi Theresa,
  
  I’m grateful that you’ve enjoyed the books:) Always know that YOU are NOT the problem and that life is better narcissist-free. Time heals all wounds if we would only allow it.
  
  Stay strong, sister!
  
  Zari xo
- Deonna
  October 9, 2015 at 9:52 am Reply
  
  I can relate to so many of these stories. I recognize many of the symptoms and for far too long I allowed him to deflect his issue on to me and I began to think something was wrong with me. Like I didn’t measure up, what is wrong with me and the hooker is the SEX was great. I have a child with him so there are times when I have to communicate unfortunately. Over the years, I noticed that he will use any door of communication to try and establish a foot hold back into my life, even when he is involved in a new relationship. There is something in his twisted mind that always wants to feel needed and shortly thereafter he resorts back to the usual rejection or silent treatment. He is a habitual cheater and abusive in many ways. He really believes he can always come because I backtracked. I recently told him, I am ALWAYS in a place of peace when I am not communicating with him and will limit any future interaction, child or not. I have tried to get along with him for the sake of our child but to no avail because he uses that situation to try and exert his narcissistic authority. I used to feel sad because I felt that because we were not in the same household with our child we could have a civil co-parenting relationship but he has no interest. He has tried in the past to act like he also wanted that but because I broke it off with him I see the harboring of ill feelings towards me in his behavior. I wrote all that to say, “I am done”,
  
  Thank you for this blog. Writing this down was therapeutic.
  
  Deonna

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