Cheating Narcissists & Why Great Sex with You Changes Nothing

My father is a narcissist. But he’s not a cheater. I fell in love with a cheating Narcissist. A step up the ladder. When I say it was the longest year of my existence. He would pull me in, make me feel like I’m the only one in his arms. Kiss, caress and make love to me like I was his world. I never felt such a connection with anyone before. A few monthes in I fell in love…in a daze I knew I had to hide myself and act clueless until I could figure out how this guy’s mind worked. He seemed normal on the outside. Beautiful. Confident. Wealthy. But inside he was insecure, weak and controlling. After 11 monthes of ups and downs and various lies and manipulative tactics, an abortion (he was trying to trap me), threats if I went anywhere he will hunt me down and so forth, he settled down for me. Foolishly I thought this was love. But I woke up. Which happens to me in every relationship around the year mark. And the man I once loved disgusted me. In bed I would wince when he got near me, he would ask me whats wrong and I told him now I have to pretend that I enjoy fucking him, but I can’t pretend. He didn’t care. He would still force himself on me as I fought him. I started going out with friends on weekends instead of seeing him, he would wait for me angry as hell I came over late and then force himself on me. He started going out to find new victims because he suspected I was cheating. When in reality I had just found my worth and I was tired of the same old bullshit…lies and manipulation. Thanks to my best friends and my mother’s support. They helped me thru the emotional wreck that I endured. When I told him I didn’t want to have sex I want to focus on school he told me fine, but I’ll fuck other people. So casually. I was pissed. I strategized my escape plan. I became friends with him to fully comprehend how his mind works, apparently all men cheat, and he’s incapable of love. A purebred narcissist. When he was out of town I deleted his phone number, deleted whatsapp and got a new sim card. ???????????????? Good riddance bitch. I bought a new benz, got a new man (who wordships the ground I walk on) and a new identity…I cut everyone off from my past life that associated with him or reminded me of him. The saddest moment is remembering the tears in his eyes when he said that this is what he gets for giving someone everything and the fear in his eyes when I woke up from my daze. He told me he missed the old me. I don’t. That me died and I buried her heart within the corpse he made of me.

A note to all survivors. Ur not crazy. Ur worthy of love. Know your self worth. Lavish yourself. Get your own money!!! And respect yourself. If you ever get trapped in such a situation ask yourself…how long can I live this way? What will my kids think of me? Will they see me as weak? If he can’t love me..will he love them? Be a strong woman. Learn to be independent. And only open your heart to those who open there’s to you. That’s what saved me..I hid my love deep inside me…preserved it for me. The summoned it when the time was right. After I won, after I got my conclusion, after he said I always have him. Checkmate.

My how I wish I had read these things sooner. I had no idea people like this existed. I’ve been in a relationship with someone who fits this exactly for nearly four years. Only after I became pregnant did I catch him for sure with his lies, I don’t even know for sure how many women. He talks himself up to be a wonderful person. But it’s all lies, now since or child was born he is very disrespectful to me, I can have no opinion, he knows how to do everything and how dare I try to tell him something. If I try to confront him about anything he always manipulates it to be me or my fault. He rarely works, I support our child, provide our home thanks to help from my family, all utilities, most groceries and baby supplies. I work full time but I am broke! He can’t keep a job and always places blame on everyone else. He will never see that it’s really him. I’m terrified what having a father like this will do to my precious baby. I’ve tried to get him to leave and he threatens to take our child.

Wow! Unreal this is as if this book is about my relationship. He actually treated me like I was on top of the world & his one & only. He introduced me to this girl who was his “best friend” in the beginning to find out 2 1/2 years later he’d been sleeping with her the entire time & before me as well. He would leave me at times randomly & would silence himself. Would actual shower, shave & I’d be waiting ffor him in bed with my lingerie & he’d come out dressed at 1am & say he’s running out to get a beer. I wouldn’t see him or hear from him until the next day. His father lives around the corner so he’d always use that as an excuse or a place to hide out & probably cheat on me. He’s left at times I wouldn’t even see it coming & blame something me & make me genuinly feel as if it was MY FAULT for his disappearance & he’d return as if nothing ever happened. He’s admitted to cheating once with his “friend” & says he never cheated again. I have a 4 month old with this monster & he even made me do a DNA test. Would return whenever he felt convenient & say while he was gone I’d been cheating, I get accused CONSTANTLY even if he leaves for 2 hours he’ll say I cleaned the house for someone to come here to sleep with me then I’d get rid of them before he came home. It’s left me in ruins.

Yes I am very jeolous of the women he married with whom he cheated on me after five years .it made me sick wen I saw their happy faces on fb ,she is living my dream . He is flashing her on social media as if she is his ultimate soulmate n yes it hurts a lot to see them together.I blame myself for trusting this ass. I cry my eyes out n think how can a person do such nasty thing… n thank god I now have a answer for it.NARCISSIST. I was trapped by a narc. My ex is a excellent manipulator n lier.. he can lie for anything anytime .the whole relationship was fake .he faked love, care to get what he wanted and I am pretty sure he will not change . Only thing dat was not fake was his rage ,anger , rudeness, lack of morals , sympathy. Along with good days I try to remember bad days which I was made to forget n forgive as bad dreams .days when I was insulted, beaten, criticised..made to cry profusely for raising my opinion.. oh how I can forget them.. but I tried to overlook them as I thought of the bigger picture , us getting married happily , having kids n thinking he will change after marriage! Wat a fool I was.I was spared a great deal of his anger n manipulation as we stayed apart at our respective parents house .and we use to meet only twice a week. I now totally understand the ordeal of married victims who gave their everything but in return got abuse day and night. I sometimes pity his wife as she is his new source but the jealousy part will be more dominant as I loved him a lot n my feeling were real for him all the time.. wish somebody tells me wats going in their life after few years … I know I am am not lonely here many are thinking same..hope someday I feel lucky not to be his wife..

Thank You the place where we can share and get support. The more stories I read, the more I realize I am not alone. Its heartbreaking to know so many people walk the same path.

I could really use some help at the moment. I’ve been in a 3+ year relationship, and it has been the most tumultuous relationship of my life, and tonight I caught her lying in a major way, and unfortunately its not the first time. This time is a little different because she couldn’t talk her way out of as she normally tries– in the sense that some random guy was at her house when I showed up.

Recently, I have felt like something is wrong with me, like I might be a N (or BPD) myself. My lack of trust and her manipulative/sneaky ways have me on edge, im always ready to snap at the slightest lie she tells, or when she is obviously skewing the facts or outright changing them, or devaluing me, or giving me over the top affection right after devaluing me, and shes constantly keeping track of me and txt’ing and calling…heaven forbid if i don’t answer or respond quickly…..I feel like im going crazy, and I’ve felt this way for a while in this relationship, but I’ve had a really hard time separating. She always says all the right things right when im thinking about calling it off for good.
So tonight she calls me as im getting clse to leave work (about 6:45pm) and asks if i want to come over after work (well first she asked if I was already at home, I live 35 mins away, should have been red flag #1), I said no because I was tired and just felt like going home (which instantly made her demeanor really cold, i could tell she was upset by my response). So after about 30 mins I tried calling her and didn’t get an answer, so I sent her a txt saying I changed my mind and wanted to stop by after work. She called me back about 10-15 minutes later and say “whats up”, in a really detached un-loving, un-girlfriend way. I said not much and I asked if she got my text. she said “yeah im good off that,” which was surprising, even for her. I asked why, and she said she was about to head out to the store to pick up dinner and wouldn’t be home for me to stop by, and then we ended the conversation. Something about the way she was talking had alarm bells going off and red flags waving in my head. So, i finished my work, got a bite to eat and stopped by her place…this was about 45-50 mins after we talked. I knock on the door and shes already at it to let me in (she says she heard my car). I walk in and bam, some random guy she claims is her friend is sitting at the table having drinks with her (she quit drinking 12 months ago). I get visibly upset and walk out and she follows. She proceeds to tell me he just stopped by a minute or two ago because he was in the neighborhood, and that is was completely random. Since she has a bad history of lying and cheating, I immediately ask her to show me her cell phone logs/txts (this would prove he just called a couple mins ago). she told me her phone was dead. I asked her to get it…i can see the screen glowing when she grabs it, she starts frantically doing something that out of my view. She walks away and says she not letting in her phone because I might dig something up (I didn’t even have time to ask what that meant)…so I ask her to show me so I don’t have to touch her phone. She then says no because her ex-boyfriend had text her and she doesn’t want me to see it (this is the same ex that she has cheated on me with, and had broken off contact with him over a year ago, allegedly, as part of our agreement for us to stay together). At this point im pissed, and crying, and raising my voice (I had already told the random guy to leave) and so she’s trying to turn it around on me in various ways…I almost apologized for being upset for being lied to and mislead and whatever else she was doing. Then she kicked me out for yelling, I might have deserved it, but I wasnt yelling that loud, I was being loud but I couldn’t keep calm as much as I wanted to, she was lying to cover up the lies and getting caught up in her own lies. It was like being emotionally stabbed, over and over, and she just wouldn’t stop. At one point she is sitting down with this smirk on her face as im pointing out all of the inconsistencies, and mis-truths, and how her talking to her ex is a horrible breach of trust, and she gives me a thumbs-up….a freaking thumbs-up. Its like she didn’t even care she was talking to her ex, she didn’t care or even see how it was wrong to tell me not to come by and then have some other guy at her house. She even tried to say if I spent more time with her then I’d know who this guy is (I spend damn near every moment I have outside of work with her), and she even said that it’s not like I caught her having sex with him…

am I going crazy? I know if she didn’t have a long history of lying and cheating that my reaction is way over the top, but i’m so damn on edge these days. I could tell by the way she was talking on the phone something was up….he was probably there already and she was trying to hide it. What do I do? am I over reacting? I love this girl, I didn’t want to go find her at home with another guy, I didn’t want this to happen at all. I hoped it was my insecurities getting the better of me.

So now im at home, my phone is off, my heart is racing. I feel stupid, remorseful, sorry (some reason I feel sorry for getting upset with her), I regret walking in on that situation was it worth it, what have I done? Did I just lose my friend? how can I ever forgive her for this?

Omg this article was written in 2014 and yet here I am 2016 finding everything you have written on point. I have never in my life felt so disrespected than what I am going through today. I feel angry, sad, and just horrible. I find it disturbing watching his behavior, and him showing no signs of remorse for what he has done. This article is 100% true everything that was written is exactly what is happening right now in my situation. What amazes me about it is trying to explaining to him his actions and how wrong they are. Basically, a waste of my time trying to explain. I find myself fighting with my emotions. Forcing my heart to take the pain, rather than continue with this emotional abuse. I’m speechless and pray to God for his help. If their is one thing I learned, it is that no one gets to live it up on doing wrong with out paying their dues. No one.

I forgot to mention that when i did want to leave, he said if you leave your not coming back as i had nowhere to go! He then threatened to call the police and report my vehicle stolen, thus throwing me in jail and hit me everytime i mentioned that i was leaving because the conversation of me leaving would always end in a hitting battle. I was so very scared! Ontop of being heart broken and nervous.