The Pathological Liar: Sifting Thru a Narcissist’s Word Garbage!

Helpful and (mostly) true. I do not think the N “decides” to lie all the time. I think the motive is just out of their line of sight. They DO lie all the time. It is more structural than a conscious act by act “decision.” IMHO

This is exactly what my husband does! He uses word garbage all of the time. Whenever he is confronted about one of his lies he always uses that same scenario you presented and he always finishes off with “Can we get past this please? Or, “Can you just drop it?” Then I get the silent treatment–sometimes days will go by with barely a word and then wham he acts like everything is fine. Meanwhile, I’m still not over it but he somehow manages to turn it all around on me. He’ll claim that all I do is nag and Bch. He’ll say I am negative. He makes me feel like a piece of crap for confronting him when I have solid evidence that he lied. He tries to make me think I am crazy. He’s an exhausting person. I expend so much energy trying to stay one step ahead of him so I can present him with irrefutable evidence when I do catch him in a lie–which is almost every day. It’s gotten so bad that I often think about just ending it all. No one cares about me anyway. I live in Japan (he’s military-high profile position). I’m so isolated. I have no friends. I have no family (my parents died) and I haven’t seen my only sibling in 20 years so there is no one to share my story with. I do work as a Registered Nurse but only part time. I rarely associate with my coworkers because we work odd hours and every one is always busy with their own lives. I am so depressed, anxious and sad all of the time now because of him. He has told me he doesn’t care that he hurts my feelings and to stop bothering him with how I feel about what he does to me because I am paranoid and he is sick of it. He just started hiding his phone, just recently changed the password, is a compulsive gambler. He spends money like water. He recently got his own bank account–he said he doesn’t want me to able to see what he buys anymore. I keep trying to move our savings around so he doesn’t deplete all of the money out of it (gambling) but he always manages to get his hands on it. He lies about the dumbest crap like buying a coffee from Starbucks. Like you said–he leaves out the receipt but he will still lie to my face and say he didn’t go for coffee. I could go on and on but what’s the point. You get the idea. I offered to go to counseling with him about the gambling issue. Initially he agreed but then he refused. He said he makes a lot of money and he should be able to spend it how and when he wants to. The other day he told me he was in a meeting that was going to last for hours. I had a feeling he was lying to me so I drove to the military base where the supposed meeting was. I drove over to the little casino on base–lo and behold there was his car was in the parking lot. I I walk in and there he is gambling away. The look on his face was priceless. He immediately jumped up. We walked out to the parking lot and he drove off like a bat out of hell. He didn’t come home until 4 hours later. Then when he finally got home he would not talk about it. Later on he told me I was embarrassing when I came into the casino. Of course it is a very tiny casino (15 slots) and he was gambling next to some girl. They were the only two in the place so I thought it odd that they were sitting next to each other-laughing and talking when I walked in. He said he has seen her there before but he doesn’t know her. Not sure if I believe that. Ever since then he has been acting strange. Hiding his phone, changed the password, its on silent, he’s not on it much around me anymore–usually I can’t get him to put it down. So if I add it all up I’d say he’s either talking to the girl from the casino or someone else. Anyway, when he goes to work tomorrow–I am thinking about going to a hotel and just let him wonder where I am at for a while. Not that he would care anyway! We live on an island so he will know I am here but he just won’t know where. I don’t want to answer my phone or let him know anything. Probably not the best idea but I can’t take it anymore. I can’t sleep, eat or think clearly. I have lost 5 lbs this week. I stay up all night crying because he doesn’t want me to do it in front of him. So he sleeps and I cry it out and just try to function the best I can when he is not here during the day. I live a pretty sad existence. Thanks for letting me vent.

This describes my step dad so well. My mother has caught him lying multiple times about his”life story” but records and documents and also his family had stated otherwise. Also he loves being the center of attention. Every time I’m telling the rest of the family about my day at work he’d cut me off and start talking about whatever he did that day. He’d try to make his story better than mine and I don’t know it just makes me mad. Like come on you could have waited!! He’d also try to belittle my job in front of my mother and start talking about how at his job he makes more and blah blah blah. I’m only 18 of course I’m not gonna have as high of a paying job as him. So what if it’s part time, a job is still a job and I’m better at keeping one. I just don’t know how to handle him anymore and I’m tired of having to deal with his behavior.

One other thing Zari, he makes it a habit to want to be center of attention too. Like the name on license plate type or the look at me I’m on tv type. Smirks when people get aggravated or rumored laughs in court when clients are suing him! Maybe 1 day the judges won’t find it very amusing and slap him with 29 yrs in jail then reality might sink in. He also would love the fact he could post NSA ads on a certain search engine behind his wife’s back without a care in the world, yet again wouldn’t be so funny if he ended up with an incurable STD, but then the wife would have to suffer. It seems like narcs get away with everything! Who knows? Thanks for listening to me vent!

Zari, if a malignant narcissist doesn’t get his way, do they sometimes stalk or hover? An ex manager got real jealous and hateful when I told him I would no longer tolerate hearing about his marriage or relationship wooooes. Everyday he pulled the poor woo as me middle aged married man with a menopausal boring wife routine. He had been in trouble at the office 3 previous x’s for harassing and trying to exploit multiple women. They only kept him on because he was good at manipulating clients & making money for the company! Of course he was! Anyway, he finally got fired and owes about $600k to everyone since starting his own LLC. Everyone sees through his garbage, his wife is the one that loves him and tolerates it. They project to the whole world how great their lives are and of course that is a big lie. He cheated on her over 3x! Now he makes it a habit of sort of looking everyone up or driving around their neighborhoods or making threats to sue past clients. Is this the usual type of behavior from them? One ex client said they are notifying authorities. Why are these type so toxic? It truly is a sickness!

Needed some details on narcissistic behaviour and came across this article. Thank you.

hi zari,
i reading about the lies an N can do..what can finally bring a Narc down? what cripple them? stop them?

any insights?